托福写作批改：我们应该交税吗？

　　Some people think that we should keep all the money we earn and not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

　　学生原文：

　　Some people argue that government should not levy taxes on national residents, while I do not believe this is practical.

　　First of all, government tax revenue satisfies the basic need of the citizens, such as education and health care. By imposing taxes on middle class and wealthy people, the country's wealth has been re-distributed to the low-income families and individuals who may not have sufficient money to support their basic needs. For example, tax revenue helps millions of children from proverty families to complete their secondary school study because the government provides free education until grade 9. Moreover, government also provides cheap or even free healthcare service which low-income patients are affordable.

　　Secondly, modest taxation will improve the well-being of the society as a whole and enhasce the living standards of individuals. One country's transport infrastructure and road system need experts from government authority to make a construction plan and improve the transport condition. Only when the public transport system is well designed and continuously improved, will one nation's economy be keeping growth and prosperity.

　　Last but not least, national defence also highly relies on govenment tax revenue. If government cannot collect enough tax money, all the citizens' lives and possessions will be threatened. Paying taxes to the government therefore seems to be crucial to protect individuals from criminal behaviours and foreign invasion.

　　In conclusion, tax revenue plays an important role on our daily lives. Not only does it help narrow the gap between the wealthy and the poor families, improve the living standards, but also provides us with a security environments.

   　　小站教育老师批改后：

　　Some people argue that government should not levy taxes on national residents, while I do not believe this is practical.【内容太短，不够丰富】

　　第一段按照三个层次来写：背景介绍（此题可以就税收做简介）——改写题目——自己的观点。

　　First of all, government tax revenue satisfies the basic need of the citizens, such as education and health care. By imposing taxes on middle class and wealthy people, the country's wealth has been re-distributed(redistributed) to the low-income families and individuals who may not have sufficient money to support their basic needs. For example, tax revenue helps millions of children from proverty families to complete their secondary school study because the government provides free education until grade 9.【这是中国的例子，不要举，缺乏代表性】Moreover, government also provides cheap or even free healthcare service which low-income patients are affordable.

　　Secondly, modest taxation will improve the well-being of the society as a whole and enhasce the living standards of individuals. One country's transport infrastructure and road system need experts from government authority to make a construction plan and improve the transport condition. Only when the public transport system is well designed and continuously improved, will one nation's economy be keeping growth and prosperity.

　　Last but not least, national defence also highly relies on govenment tax revenue. If government cannot collect enough tax money, all the citizens' lives and possessions will be threatened. Paying taxes to the government therefore seems to be crucial to protect individuals from criminal behaviours and foreign invasion.

　　再加一段，来回答to what extent【比如可以指出这些年税收没有被合理使用，这类存在的问题】

　　In conclusion, tax revenue plays an important role on our daily lives. Not only does it help narrow the gap between the wealthy and the poor families, improve the living standards, but also provides us with a security environments.【这个倒装句式用得好】再加一点建议：用来解决存在的问题。

　　估分：6.5

　　评价：第一段内容很短，要加强修改；其次，注意 To what extent do you agree or disagree?和do you agree or disagree?的区别。