小站教育
   首页
学生选择在小站备考:30天 523808名,今日申请1391人    备考咨询 >>

托福写作批改:关于公众的认可与金钱的话题

  People care more about public recognition than about money. Even if no money is given, public recognition can still make people work harder.

  学生原文:

  No one hates money. As an indispensable component in our daily life, money has ubiquitous function: from basic needs such us food or cloths to luxurious items like perfume or necklace, money is used to exchange most of our requirements. Admittedly, we do care about money, but it does not mean that we are only motivated by money. Sometimes, social recognition has more influence on us and can encourage us to do something without pay.

  People are willing to make great efforts to obtain good reputation even though there is no monetary pay. With the increasing competition in the talent market, a good reputation is very important for job hunters. For example, many companies have added a question when interviewing a job seeker, asking them about the comment of themselves made by people around them. Except field experience, company does care about employee’s reputation, because by doing so, it can hire someone who can get along well with his colleagues as well as build up excellent impression as a representative for his company. In this way, a person with good reputation is likely to stand out and being hired. In order to win in the enrollment competition, people would like to put their efforts and energy in exchange for good social recognition.

  Besides, a good self-image can also drive people to devote themselves into struggling. Humans have a tendency to trust and like someone who is responsible to the social, who is selfless to help others and who devotes himself into charity. In order to be attractive to others, in other words, to be recognized by others, people are willing to strive even if there is no pay.

  To draw a conclusion, public recognition sometimes outweighs money and this is true especially when someone wants to get good reputation and self-image. Social recognition is also strong enough to motivate and encourage the general public to pay great efforts.

     老师批改:

  No one hates money. As an indispensable component in our daily life, money has ubiquitous function[用复数]:from basic needs such us food or cloths [拼写错误 应该是clothes] to luxurious items like perfume or necklace, money is used to exchange [for]most of our requirements. Admittedly, we do care about money, but it does not mean that we are only motivated by money. Sometimes, social recognition has more influence on us and can encourage us to do something without pay.

  People are willing to make great efforts to obtain good reputation even though there is no monetary pay. With the increasing competition in the talent market, a good reputation is very important for job hunters. For example, many companies have added a question when interviewing a job seeker, asking them about the comment of themselves made by people around them. Except field experience, company does care about employee’s reputation, because by doing so, it can hire someone who can get along well with his colleagues as well as build up excellent impression as a representative for his company. In this way, a person with good reputation is likely to stand out and being[be] hired. In order to win in the enrollment competition, people would like to put their efforts and energy in exchange for good social recognition.

  Besides, a good self-image can also drive people to devote themselves into struggling. Humans have a tendency to trust and like someone who is responsible to[for] the social,[society] who is selfless to help others and who devotes himself into charity. In order to be attractive to others, in other words, to be recognized by others, people are willing to strive even if there is no pay. 

  To draw a conclusion, public recognition sometimes outweighs money and this is true especially when someone wants to get good reputation and self-image. Social recognition is also strong enough to motivate and encourage the general public to pay great efforts.[good]

  老师评语:

  预估分数:3.3

  关于这篇文章,你可以说自己觉得recognition或者是money重要,或者同等重要也可以。然后自己从正反两面去论证,说出自己选的那项对人生活有什么促进或者益处之类的。就可以啦。

  文中语法错误比较多,已经标出来了。

  红色的句子不是的,是写的比较好的句式。

  自己多看看语法书,看看哪儿错了,查漏补缺,基础性的错误尽量避免,语言表达多学学反问的表达,加油!

2015年5月9日托福写作小范围预测
2015年1月31日托福写作机经考前点题
托福批改:儿童不应该参加竞争比赛?
托福批改:计算机远程教育还是传统课堂教育?
1