小站教育
   首页
学生选择在小站备考:30天 522552名,今日申请135人    备考咨询 >>

托福写作批改:[独立][TPO21]高分作文推荐


托福写作批改前:

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

For success in future career, people should bear certain qualities. Maybe leadership is indispensible, which makes decision for the whole team and enables each individual in the team to perform their the best. While other people may prefer to state that outstanding skills that obtained from studying hard in school is also necessary, because they are the prerequisite. On personal level, I suggest that the ability to relate well to people is more crucial.

People who have ability to relate well to people always work efficiently. People need to communicate with others when they occupy almost everything, of course, working included. Last summer, I got a part-time job in a advertising firm, designing plans with other workers. But I would like to express myself eagerly and did the assignments alone. I was overwhelmed when handing on our task, because I got the wrong understanding. This event has nothing big influence on me, I learned to communicate with others in turn, but my firm and other workers suffered low work efficience.

Moving on, the ability to relate well to people is conductive to job satisfaction. It is inevitable to get on with others during working process. If people don\'t relate well to surounding people, how to work? People have burdened too much pressure due to the fast rhythm society, they are all willing to work in a warm and comfortable condition, which could avoid undelight as far as possible. Being in such a state, people want to derive job satisfaction is not easy. According to one research in the Daily China, people are more easier to achieve advancements who have better ability to dealing with interpersonal relationship.

However, studying hard in school is also essential. Compared to the ability to relate well to people, studying hard seems less critical. People not developing interpersonal relationship, only with the knowledge studying hard in school, will go harder if they plan to go further.

In a nutshell, from the above mentioned reasons, high work effencience and job satisfaction, I agree that the ability to relate well to people is more essential than studying hard in school.

小站名师批改后:


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

For success in future career, people should bear certain qualities. Maybe leadership is indispensible, which[加involves] makes[making] decision for the whole team and enables[enabling] each individual in the team to perform their the best. While other people may prefer to state that outstanding skills that obtained from studying hard in school is also necessary, because they are the prerequisite. On personal level, I suggest that the ability to relate well to people is more crucial.

People who have ability to relate well to people always work efficiently. People need to communicate with others when they occupy almost everything, of course, working included. Last summer, I got a part-time job in a[an] advertising firm, designing plans with other workers. But I would like to express myself eagerly and did the assignments alone. I was overwhelmed when handing on[in]our task, because I got the wrong understanding. This event has nothing big[great] influence on me, I learned to communicate with others in turn, but my firm and other workers suffered low work efficience.[后半句与论点无关]

Moving on, the ability to relate well to people is conductive to job satisfaction. It is inevitable to get on with others during working process. If people don\'t relate well to surrounding people, how to work? People have burdened too much pressure due to the fast rhythm society, they are all willing to work in a warm and comfortable condition, which could avoid undelight as far as possible. Being in such a state, people want to derive job satisfaction is not easy. According to one research in the Daily China, people are more[much] easier to achieve advancements who have better ability to dealing [deal]with interpersonal relationship.

However, studying hard in school is also essential. Compared to the ability to relate well to people, studying hard seems less critical. People not developing interpersonal relationship, only with the knowledge studying hard in school, will go harder if they plan to go further.

In a nutshell, from the above mentioned reasons, high work effencience and job satisfaction, I agree that the ability to relate well to people is more essential than studying hard in school.

预估分数:4.2

开篇简洁,观点明确,论述比较充分,逻辑较严密 。

表达能力较好,语言运用的功底不错, 语法错误较少,注意细节,写后要检查。

Independent Task

Level:Good

4.2

25


托福写作批改:[综合][TPO22]高分作文推荐
托福写作批改:[综合][TPO6]高分作文推荐
托福写作批改:[独立+综合][TPO15]高分作文推荐
托福写作批改:[独立][TPO35]高分作文推荐
1