网站导航     在线客服  
全部
   首页    托福
学生选择在小站备考:30天 505822名,今日申请197人    备考咨询 >>

托福写作批改:[综合][TPO12]高分作文推荐


托福写作批改前:

The lecture talks about the three points in order to prove the portrait which had been commissioned to sale by Austen’s family recently is not of Jane Austen, which is apparently refutes the points illustrated in the passage. According to the passage, the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen when she was a teenager. Conversely, the professor holds the view that the girl is not Jane Austen by three evidences.

First, the professor argues that when that portrait exhibited to the public is in1882, namely, it had been almost 70 years since the Austen’s death. In other words, the family members of Austen who assert the girl is Jane Austen even had not seen herself, so they could not recognize whether the girl is Austen or not., nevertheless, which directly contradicts what the passage indicates, that is, the Austen’s family member endorse the portrait depicted is Austen.

The second point the professor use to cast doubt on the passage is that the Austen’s family is large, the Austen’s cousins or sisters may be resembled to her. However, the passage states that the girl in that portrait looks similar to a amateur’s sketch of Jane Austen, so the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen, which is in sharp contrast to the lecture. So there lies another part where experience contradicts to theory.

Another evidence the lecturer adopts to refute the passage is the stamp on the canvas which suggest that the true year of this portrait present is the time when Jane Austen is at the age of 27, differing from the statement of the passage.

小站名师批改后:

The lecture talks about the three points in order to prove the portrait which had been commissioned to sale by Austen’s family recently is not of Jane Austen, which is apparently refutes the points illustrated in the passage. According to the passage, the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen when she was a teenager.[这句可以去掉,减少字数] Conversely, the professor holds the view that the girl is not Jane Austen by three evidences.

First, the professor argues that when that portrait exhibited to the public is in 1882, namely, it had been almost 70 years since the Austen’s death. In other words, the family members of Austen who assert the girl is Jane Austen even had not seen herself, so they could not recognize whether the girl is Austen or not., nevertheless, which directly contradicts what the passage indicates, that is, the Austen’s family member endorse the portrait depicted is Austen.[非常好,语言丰富但不累赘,重点全部抓到]

The second point the professor use to cast doubt on the passage is that the Austen’s family is large, the Austen’s cousins or sisters may be resembled to her. However, the passage states that the girl in that portrait looks similar to a[an] amateur’s sketch of Jane Austen, so the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen, which is in sharp contrast to the lecture. So there lies another part where experience contradicts to theory.[最后的模板句太过罗嗦了]

Another evidence the lecturer adopts to refute the passage is the stamp on the canvas which suggest that the true year of this portrait present is the time when Jane Austen is at the age of 27, differing from the statement of the passage.[说出简奥斯丁的实际年龄比画中大,画中的是少女]

预估分数:4.5

字数可以再少一下,225字以内

听力的内容全部都抓到了,非常好。

可以再简洁一下模板句。

Independent Task

LevelGood

4.5

28



托福写作批改:[综合][TPO22]高分作文推荐
托福写作批改:[综合][TPO6]高分作文推荐
托福写作批改:[独立+综合][TPO15]高分作文推荐
托福写作批改:[独立][TPO35]高分作文推荐