托福写作批改：[独立][TPO26]高分作文推荐

托福作文批改前：

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Teachers should not make their social or political views known to students in the classroom.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Due to the fact that teachers can exert deep influence on the mental development of students, a controversial topic has come to a vogue about whether teachers should make their social or political views known to students in class. Some assert that it is teachers' responsibility to instill their students with their social and political perspectives since they are more knowledgeable than the average while others argue that students should not be exposed to teachers' attitudes in these areas because this, to some degree, can distort students' values. In my view, I am in favor of the former one, that is, teachers should be encouraged to reveal their insight in terms of social and political issues.

The major reason for my propensity for the statement is that the standpoints regarding social and political topics of teachers can cultivate students' ability to distinguish right from wrong. There is no denying that when people are enjoy being the beneficiaries of the booming civilization as well as flourishing economy, the increasing false information derived from people's aspiration for profits and benefits has come into being. For example, gravitated towards the dishonestly pictured products, students, especially children in elementary school are longing to own them and eventually purchase them with their mere allowance. However, the products are bound to fail those gullible children. Common sense informs me that the major purpose of education should be intended to build up students’discernment rather than limited to knowledge impartation. If teachers could share their opinions on the authenticity of advertisement, children would not fall prey to the false advertisements.

What's more, teachers are supposed to provide mental guidance to the young, such as building up students' characters as well as values, which can be achieved by sharing their judgments. When there is a political march staged by a mob who prefer to express their emotions radically, teachers could take advantage of this opportunity and then impart the importance of rationality to students. Similarly, when faced with such criticism that the society lack of mutual trust and honest is turning the promising teenagers into creature of indifference, teachers can encourage students to lead a helping hand to those in trouble. Therefore, school is not only a place for students to learn academic knowledge but also a place for students to improve their mental development, which is of vital importance to their comprehensive development.

Admittedly, some people are worried that the vulnerable students are likely to be subjected to some wrong opinions, in which case, students can suffer from consorted values and even go astray. This seems reasonable at first glance, but it does neglect the growing power of students' critical thinking ability. When disagreements occur, students can question the views claimed by their teachers without hesitation. Besides, the justified knowledge they absorb from their textbooks can navigate their mind in a positive way.

In a nutshell, the advantages of teachers sharing their perspectives concerning social and political affairs outweigh the disadvantages. For one thing, students can cultivate their ability of discernment as well as critical thinking; for another thing, it is of great benefits for students to polish their characters and values.

小站名师批改后：

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Teachers should not make their social or political views known to students in the classroom.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Due to the fact that teachers can exert deep influence on the mental development of students, a controversial topic has come to a vogue about whether teachers should make their social or political views known to students in class. Some assert that it is teachers' responsibility to instill their students with their social and political perspectives since they are more knowledgeable than the average while others argue that students should not be exposed to teachers' attitudes in these areas because this【teachers’ opinions】, to some degree, can distort students' values. In my view, I am in favor of the former one, that is, teachers should be encouraged to reveal their insight in terms of social and political issues.【引入自然，观点明确】

The major reason for my propensity for the statement is that the standpoints regarding social and political topics of teachers can cultivate students' ability to distinguish right from wrong. There is no denying that when people are enjoy【enjoying】 being the beneficiaries of the booming civilization as well as flourishing economy, the increasing false information derived from people's aspiration for profits and benefits has come into being. For example, gravitated towards the dishonestly pictured products, students, especially children in elementary school are longing to own them and eventually purchase them with their mere allowance【their pocket money】. However, the products are bound to fail【disappoint】those gullible children. Common sense informs me that the major purpose of education should be intended to build up students’ discernment rather than limited to knowledge impartation. If teachers could share their opinions on the authenticity of advertisement, children would not fall prey to the false advertisements.【本段的论证有些牵强，例子也不恰当。你可以改为老师在课堂上可以告诉学生们他们对贪官的看法，从而可以教育学生们要清廉。】

What's more, teachers are supposed to provide mental guidance to the young, such as building up students' characters as well as values, which can be achieved by sharing their judgments. When there is a political march staged by a mob【the mob】 who prefer to express their emotions radically, teachers could take advantage of this opportunity and then impart the importance of rationality to students. Similarly, when faced with such【facing】criticism that the society lack【lacks】 of mutual trust and honest【词性错误，改为honesty】 is turning the promising teenagers into creature of indifference, teachers can encourage students to lead a helping hand to those in trouble. Therefore, school is not only a place for students to learn academic knowledge but also a place for students to improve their mental development, which is of vital importance to their comprehensive development.

Admittedly, some people are worried that the vulnerable students are likely to be subjected to some wrong opinions, in which case, students can suffer from consorted values and even go astray. This seems reasonable at first glance, but it does neglect the growing power of students' critical thinking ability. When disagreements occur, students can question the views claimed by their teachers without hesitation. Besides, the justified knowledge they absorb from their textbooks can navigate their mind in a positive way.

In a nutshell, the advantages of teachers sharing their【teachers’】 perspectives concerning social and political affairs outweigh the disadvantages. For one thing, students can cultivate their ability of discernment as well as critical thinking; for another thing, it is of great benefits for students to polish their characters and values.

1、Topic Development：

首段话题展开充分，立场清晰明确!

2、Organization:

文章架构清晰，通过两个正面论述以及让步段进行展开。

3、Language use:

用词比较丰富，句式多样，继续保持!

4、Strength:

结构完整，句意表达清晰，词汇以及句式使用多样。

5、Weakness:

第一个观点的例子不太恰当。

6、Improvement:

同学独立写作的结构思路清晰，但是例子还可以更贴切一些。