托福写作批改：[综合][TPO2]高分作文推荐

写作批改前：

In the passage, the author is concerned with the issue of advantages of group work. The professor in the lecture deals with the same topic. However, he holds a totally different view that statement stated in the passage is inaccurate when compared with reality. Moreover, he presents a research conducted by a firm to illustrate his view.

First, the passage claims that team work will reduce the time needed to accomplish a project for numbers of people involved and their aggregated resources. Yet, the professor asserts that groups were slow in progress. This is because Groups needed more time for meetings, which are necessary procedures in decision making.

Second, the passage contends that much more creative solutions will come about. The professor argues against this point. Influential people might emerge and lead the group towards success or failure. That is, if they think a decision will never work, the decision was quickly dropped instead of being further discussed. But in cases where they believed a plan was highly creative, nobody has enough influence to counter the decision.

Third, the passage suggests that joining in a team can be very rewarding for members of the group. The professor refutes this idea completely. Some members got free rides, which means they didn’t work hard but got recognition for the success. Besides, the hardworking person will not be named. In other words, they weren’t given the opportunity to “shine”.

小站名师批改后：

In the passage, the author is concerned with the issue of advantages of group work. The professor in the lecture deals with the same topic. However, he holds a totally different view that statement stated in the passage is inaccurate when compared with reality. Moreover, he presents a research conducted by a firm to illustrate his view.【整体的论述问题概括到位，两方的观点比较明确。】

First, the passage claims that team work will reduce the time needed to accomplish a project for numbers of people involved and their aggregated resources. Yet, the professor asserts that groups were slow in progress. This is because Groups needed more time for meetings, which are necessary procedures in decision making.【本段的论述不错，对应点找准了，内容也基本没有遗漏!】

Second, the passage contends that much more creative solutions will come about. The professor argues against this point. Influential people might emerge and lead the group towards success or failure. That is, if they think a decision will never work, the decision was quickly dropped instead of being further discussed. But in cases where they believed a plan was highly creative, nobody has enough influence to counter the decision.【关于这里论述重点就可以了，Influential people比较独裁，如果他们的决定是错误的，那么就会导致失败，其他成员正确的意见也会被忽略，并且失败的责任大家要一起承担。】

Third, the passage suggests that joining in a team can be very rewarding for members of the group.【However,】The professor refutes this idea completely. Some members got free rides, which means they didn’t work hard but got recognition for the success. Besides, the hardworking person will not be named. In other words, they weren’t given the opportunity to “shine”.

Ø  Accuracy:信息抓取的准确性和内容的完整性都不错。

Ø  Organization:行文结构完整。

Ø  Language use:语言表达上没有很大的问题，同学的基础还是很扎实的。

Ø  Strength: 信息点的对应很准，语句的描述也比较到位。

Ø  Improvement:建议同学阅读的时候把分论点一一找出来，在做听力的时候有针对性的听会避免遗漏。