托福写作批改：体育和社会活动应该得到平等经济支持吗？

文章批改前：

Question: Summarise the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on specific points made in the reading passage..

Question:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
We all know that the teaching on professional knowledge is important both to the universities and students. However, sports and social activities are not stressed a lot by universities. From my standpoint, sports and social activities are also important to all of us and should receive the same financial support as classes and libraries get from universities and colleges. I will explore a few reasons here to illustrate my idea.
First of all, sports and social activities can make us more efficient in our study. They can help students release the pressure of life. Constant study may make us exhausted. Take me for an example, I read books for all day last Monday, resulting in failing to take in anything at night. On the contrary, my friend went to play sports in the afternoon for a while. At last, she took in more of the book than me that day. In other word, she was more efficient than me.
On the second place, sports and social activities benefit our health a lot. Staying in the same place and studying constantly do harm to our health. We may find that those people who often attend sports and social activities are healthier than those who don\'t. For example, Tomas, my best friend, who often do exercises in the gym seldom fall ill while my other friends who seldom do exercises often get ill.
Last but not the least, attending sports and social activities can cultivate our personality. Doing sports for a long period help us build the virtue such as perseverance and independence. Taking part in the social activities may cultivate our team spirit. We can learn from the practice how tolerance and consideration are important. At the same time, we can learn how to form these virtue, how to communicate with others well.
Above all, we can draw a conclusion that the sports and social activities are so important that they should receive the same financial support as classes and libraries get from universities and colleges.


小站批改文章后：
Question: Summarise the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on specific points made in the reading passage..

Question:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

We all know that the teaching on professional knowledge is important both to the universities and students. However, sports and social activities are not stressed a lot by universities. From my standpoint, sports and social activities are also important to all of us and should receive the same financial support as classes and libraries get from universities and colleges [去掉]. I will explore a few reasons here to illustrate my idea.
First of all, sports and social activities can make us more efficient in our study. They can help students release the pressure of life. Constant study may make us exhausted. Take me [改为myself] for an example, I read books for [去掉for]all day last Monday, resulting in failing to take in anything at night. On the contrary, my friend went to play sports in the afternoon for a while. At last, she took in more of the book than me that day. In other word, she was more efficient than me. [不错。第一句阐明观点，后面阐述得很到位，例子也紧扣。应注意丰富词汇量，如吸收知识除了take in，有没有其他的了呢?]
On the second place, sports and social activities benefit our health a lot. Staying in the same place and studying constantly do harm to our health. We may find that those people who often attend sports and social activities are healthier than those who don\'t. For example, Tomas, my best friend, who often do [does,三单，细节更要注意] exercises in the gym [+,将who…构成插入语]seldom fall [+s] ill while my other friends who seldom do exercises often get ill.
Last but not the least, attending sports and social activities can cultivate our personality. Doing sports for a long period help [改为helps,动名词作主语，谓语动词用单数。] us build the virtue [改为virtues] such as perseverance and independence. Taking part in the social activities may cultivate our team spirit. We can learn from the practice how tolerance and consideration are important. At the same time, we can learn how to form these virtue [virtues], [去，+and，只有两个并列] how to communicate with others well.
Above all, we can draw a conclusion that the sports and social activities are so important that they should receive the same financial support as classes and libraries get from universities and colleges [去掉].
文章观点、立场明确。逻辑、条理清晰，论据充分、适当。语言阐述能力较强，语法错误较少，除个别细节需要注意。希望你继续努力，最后关头不要松懈更不要慌张，你肯定可以，加油。

Independent Task	Level：Good
4.50	28

Level: GOOD (4.0–5.0)
ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INDEPENDENT TASK
>> Continue to improve your ability to express opinions by studying the ways that published writers express their opinions.
>> Read articles and essays written by professional writers that express opinions about an issue (for example, a social, environmental or educational issue).
>> Identify the writer’s opinion or opinions.
>> Notice how the writer addresses possible objections to the opinions, if the writer discusses these.
>>尽量多阅读范文，模仿好的文章中作者阐述论证观点的方式。
>>多阅读不同类型话题的文章，积累专业作家针对不同话题的观点内容。
>>可以多引用别人的观点内容。
>>阅读范文过程中，注意作者如何反向论证观点。

Integrated Task	Independent Task	Scaled Score
O	4．50
	Good