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托福写作批改:关于大学生选课的话题


 
It is better for students at university or in college to choose difficult classes even if they cannot get top grades.

学生原文:
 
What we are debating here will cause contemplation to be aroused in potentially profound ways. This debate over the relationship between the difficulty of the classes and the top grades is about more than just words on the page. It is about a way to challenge ourselves. It is about a chance to learn more knowledge. And it is about a method to improve the ability of study. Therefore, I definitely agree with the claim and suppose it as a reasonable and tenable view.

To begin with, the difficult classes provide us a great way to challenge ourselves. Undoubtedly, the difficult classes can set a higher target for us. As a result, if we want to get top grades, it is essential for us to pay more attention and work harder on them. In this way, we have to challenge ourselves. To give you an idea of the importance of the higher target, consider this: If an athlete only wants to be a common player, what he will do every day is just doing the practice of the average level. If he feels a little tired, it is quite possible for him to quit the practice earlier. However, if he set his goal as a world record broker, things will be obviously different. He will get up early and try his best in everyday drill just because of the goal in his mind. Apparently, it is the higher goals that make us keep advancing.

Moreover, the difficult classes are part of what gives us much more knowledge. To be specific, it is our understanding that the difficult classes usually include something we do not know before. Thus, it is a great opportunity for us to learn more. It has been shown in a recent survey performed in China that over eighty percent of the university students argue that the difficulty in classes results from the unfamiliar knowledge in them. They also add that if they know more about these classes, they will be much easier. To step further, without these difficult classes, how can we learn so much knowledge in a single course?

Last but not the least, there has always been another thread-a belief that the difficult classes give us a great chance to improve our ability of study. As we all know, study is necessary throughout our whole life. Only with continuous learning can we keep the pace with the development of our society. It is our belief that there is no one out there can help us with our learning of the new after we graduate from the school. There are no teachers and there are no classmates. What we can do is to depend on our own ability of learning, which is quite important and the difficult classes just give us an opportunity to make some developments within ourselves.

All in all, I will definitely choose the difficult classes no matter what scores I get. If there is anyone out there who still wonders if the difficult classes help us to challenge ourselves, who still doubts if we can absorb more knowledge after learning them, who still questions if it is a great chance to improve our learning abilities, this essay is my answer. 
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小站教育老师批改后:
What we are debating here will cause contemplation to be aroused in potentially profound ways. This debate over the relationship between the difficulty of the classes and the top grades is about more than just words on the page. It is about a way to challenge ourselves. It is about a chance to learn more knowledge. And it is about a method to improve the ability of study. Therefore, I definitely agree with the claim and suppose it as a reasonable and tenable view.【开头的文采不错】

To begin with, the difficult classes provide us 【少介词with,provide sb. with sth.】a great way to challenge ourselves. Undoubtedly, the difficult classes can set a higher target for us. As a result, if we want to get top grades, it is essential for us to pay more attention and work harder on them【pay attention to 】. In this way, we have to challenge ourselves. To give you an idea of the importance of the higher target, consider this: If an athlete only wants to be a common player, what he will do every day is just doing the practice of the average level. If he feels a little tired, it is quite possible for him to quit the practice earlier. However, if he set【sets】 his goal as a world record broker【breaker】, things will be obviously different. He will get up early and try his best in everyday drill just because of the goal in his mind. Apparently, it is the higher goals that make us keep advancing.【这段论述还是不错的,要注意些细节】

Moreover, the difficult classes are part of what gives us much more knowledge. To be specific, it is our understanding that the difficult classes usually include something we do not know before. Thus, it is a great opportunity for us to learn more. It has been shown in a recent survey performed in China that over eighty percent of the university students argue that the difficulty in classes results from the unfamiliar knowledge in them. They also add that if they know more about these classes, they【they代指不同对象,会造成困扰】 will be much easier. To step further, without these difficult classes, how can we learn so much knowledge in a single course?

Last but not the least, there has always been another thread-a belief that the difficult classes give us a great chance to improve our ability of study. As we all know, study is necessary throughout our whole life. Only with continuous learning can we keep the pace with the development of our society. It is our belief that there is no one out there can help us with our learning of the new after we graduate from the school. There are no teachers and there are no classmates. What we can do is to depend on our own ability of learning, which is quite important and the difficult classes just give us an opportunity to make some developments within ourselves.【更多在讲学习能力的重要性,与有难度的课堂的联系只是一笔带过】

All in all, I will definitely choose the difficult classes no matter what scores I get. If there is anyone out there who still wonders if the difficult classes help us to challenge ourselves, who still doubts if we can absorb more knowledge after learning them, who still questions if it is a great chance to improve our learning abilities, this essay is my answer.

【语言运用比较熟练,论点也有说服力。但是要注意论述与论点的结合,还有一些细节上的语法错误】

Independent Task
Level:Good
4.3
27

Level: GOOD (4.0–5.0)
ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INTERGRATED TASK
>> Continue to improve your ability to relate and convey information from two or more sources. For example, practice analyzing reading passages in English.
>> Read two articles or chapters on the same topic or issue, write a summary of each, and then explain the ways they are similar and the ways they are different.
>> Practice combining listening and reading by searching for readings related to talks and lectures with teacher or a friend.
ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INDEPENDENT TASK
>> Continue to improve your ability to express opinions by studying the ways that published writers express their opinions.
>> Read articles and essays written by professional writers that express opinions about an issue (for example, a social, environmental or educational issue).
>> Identify the writer’s opinion or opinions.
>> Notice how the writer addresses possible objections to the opinions, if the writer discusses these.
>>尽量多阅读范文,模仿好的文章中作者阐述论证观点的方式。
>>多阅读不同类型话题的文章,积累专业作家针对不同话题的观点内容。
>>可以多引用别人的观点内容。
>>阅读范文过程中,注意作者如何反向论证观点。
 
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