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写作批改:大学各学科的男女生数量


 
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

学生原文:
 
In modern society, more and more high school students prefer to study in universities instead of vocational schools. Most of them want to be enrolled in a subject stemming from their interest but the universities take the gender in to account. I believe there are advantages and disadvantages to the enrollment policy but overall I think that the universities should enroll the students based on their qualifications and preferences rather than making sure that there is equal number of both genders in each subject.

First and foremost, it must be realized that both male and female have own expert areas. For instance, males are accomplished in abstract thinking and logic mind, which are extremely crucial in Math and Physics. Females are good at imaginal thinking so the task of designing and literature are easy for them. Regarding the diversified features between the different sexes, accepting more males in their expert areas is a method to utilize the human resources. The aim of it is to better improve and perfect the society.

On the other hand, on the level of society, accepting the same number of the applicants from different sexual can be seen as a kind of respect to the human right and sexual equality. It is not only helpful in promoting the justice atmosphere but also crucial in building the gender balanced in various industries. Secondly, from each individual’s perspective, the equal number of males and females can contribute to the communication skill between the different genders, which is the key success factor in teambuilding during the work.

In conclusion, I think it is not reasonable that the number of one gender in universities is totally dominated by the other gender. The universities should enroll the students based on their qualifications, interest and passion for the subjects. The gender is a part of this question but it is not the only prerequisite.
In conclusion, while salaries certainly affect people’s choice of profession, I do not believe that money outweighs all other motivators.

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  小站教育老师批改后:

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 
In modern society, more and more high school students prefer to study in universities instead of vocational schools. Most of them want to be enrolled in a subject stemming from their interest but the universities take the gender in to (intoaccount. I believe there are advantages and disadvantages to the enrollment policy but overall I think that the universities should enroll the students based on their qualifications and preferences rather than making sure that there is equal number of both genders in each subject.(太长了,简要陈述你自己的观点即可)

First and foremost, it must be realized that both male and female have own expert areas. For instance, males are accomplished in abstract thinking and logic mind, which are extremely crucial in Math and Physics. Females are good at imaginal thinking so the task of designing and literature are easy for them. Regarding the diversified features between the different sexes, accepting more males in their expert areas is a method to utilize the human resources. The aim of it is to better improve and perfect the society.

On the other hand, on the level of society, accepting the same number of the applicants from different sexual can be seen as a kind of respect to the human right and sexual equality. (你应该阐述一个方面的内容,而不是两面阐述)It is not only helpful in promoting the justice atmosphere but also crucial in building the gender balanced in various industries. Secondly, from each individual’s perspective, the equal number of males and females can contribute to the communication skill between the different genders, which is the key success factor in teambuilding during the work. (这一段你再去阐述一点依据男女性别特点分学科的优点即可,而不是去阐述它的反面)


In conclusion, I think it is not reasonable that the number of one gender in universities is totally dominated by the other gender. The universities should enroll the students based on their qualifications, interest and passion for the subjects. The gender is a part of this question but it is not the only prerequisite. 加入to what extent 的内容,即建议。

估分:5.5-6;
评价:最大的问题是论证思路的问题。注意是一面分析(To what extent do you agree or disagree?或者 do you agree or disagree?)还是两面分析(discuss both sides或者does its advantages outweigh disadvantages?)


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