学生原文： Recent continuously exposed social issues have caused a heating discussion, partiularly, the poor student behavior. In this essay, we will give insight into this issue, then offer avaiable solutions to it. From my perspective, both parents and school should be responsible for the evolvement of students' bad behavior.
One of the general evidences, probably related to the poor student behavior, is that children tend to be over-spoilt by their parents. In the modern cities, working parents devote too much time to coping with careering challenges. Consequently, children are allowed to require whatever they want. In addition, less time is left for instructing their children, which contributes to the evolvement of children's poor behaviors, like frequently violating teachers' sincere advice, unaware of the imporance of knowledge, lack of self-control ability, etc.
Since most time of students is spent in the school, schooling education should also be blamed apart from the responsiblity of parents. Heavy teaching tasks cause unhealthy arrangement of students' cirrculumn, typically, tiny space is left for students to have outside activities. As a result of it, students miss a brilliant chance to foster teamwork concept, that is, knowing to share with other people. Even worsely, they are being trained to be a kind of person, lack of capacity of thinking problem critically, but a examination machine.
On one hand, I think, parents should spend more time on communicating with their children, if possible, attempting to be their friend. Furthermore, government should also stength the supervision of the educationsl qualify of various types of school, and publish corresponding education laws to ensure an healthy educational market. Rethinking the teaching outliner is definitely needed for school to cultivate students as a prospective great person for the construction of their country.
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There are more problems with students' behavior in many countries. What are the causes and what are your solutions?
Recent continuously exposed social issues have caused a heating（heated） discussion, partiularly, the poor student （ students' ）behavior. In this essay, we will give insight into this issue, then offer avaiable（available） solutions to it. From my perspective, both parents and school should be responsible for the evolvement of students' bad behavior.
One of the general evidences, probably related to the poor student （ students' ） behavior, is that children tend to be over-spoilt by their parents. In the modern cities, working parents devote too much time to coping （cope）with careering（career） challenges. Consequently, children are allowed to require whatever they want.（这两句话没有因果关系，分析的不太准确） In addition, less time is left for instructing their children, which contributes to the evolvement of children's poor behaviors, like frequently violating teachers' sincere advice, unaware of the imporance of knowledge, lack of self-control ability, etc. （这一句不是在讲溺爱这个问题，放在这里不合适）
这一段写的不好，没有完全按照中心句展开，分析的也有所欠缺。
Since most time of students is spent in the school, schooling education should also be blamed apart from the responsiblity of parents. Heavy teaching tasks cause unhealthy arrangement of students' cirrculumn, typically, tiny space is left for students to have outside activities. As a result of it, students miss a brilliant chance to foster teamwork concept, that is, knowing to share with other people. Even worsely, they are being trained to be a kind of person, lack of capacity of thinking problem critically, but a examination machine.
On one hand, I think, parents should spend more time on communicating with their children, if possible, attempting to be their friend. Furthermore, government should also stength（strengthen) the supervision of the educationsl qualify(educational quality) of various types of school(schools), and publish corresponding education laws to ensure an(a) healthy educational market. Rethinking the teaching outliner is definitely needed for school to cultivate students as a prospective great person for the construction of their country.
再加一段。最后一段可以再做一个简单的总结，这样全文的结构会更完整。
估分：6-6.5；
评价：你的思路很清晰，但是论证的结构不太严谨，论证的也不是很充分，针对性不强（注意第二段）。同时低级错误（词语错误）太多。
