写作批改：花钱资助社会活动就能吸引好学生？

　　Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to attract good students, a university should spend a lot of money funding social activities.

　　学生原文：

　　Nowadays, universities are paying more attention on enrolling good students and they use many kinds of methods for it. When talking about methods that a university should use to attract good students, people may think about spending money in funding social activities. However, I disagree with this statement.

　　To begin with, students, especially good students who are more interested in science and technology, may want to attend a university with high scientific research ability. When they are choosing university for themselves, they will consider more about the amounts of distinguished professors and lab equipments rather than the conditions of school social activities. It's reported that Stanford University, the dream school of each student majoring statistics, put 60% of its revenue into scientific research. With the highest level of researching, it attracted over 1,000 students from all over the world to apply to the graduate school of the Department of statistic last year. So, for good students, researching condition is an important part of a university.

　　In addition, the teaching ability of the faculty is one of the most important factors which can determine the university's ranking. And hiring these professors will cost a great deal of money. I'm studying at the University of California, Davis. The reason why I choose it is the most famous professor of biostatistic, the major I'm studying now, is working at UCDavis. After I attending the school, I was surprised by the professional ability of my professors and teaching assistants. They are willing to help me solve my problems about the courses, even they are occupied with other works. Thanks to them, I can graduate from my university with a good grade and gain the ability of doing research. Honestly, improving teaching level is an essential goal of every university. So that it's never too late to spend money on teaching.

　　Besides, most of the social organizations in the university campus can get money by themselves. As we all know, these organizaitons are established by students without assistance of university, and this is also the specialty of these organizations. They provide the students a chance to experience a real commercial condition with profit, competitions and administration. However, if the university gives them money directly, they will lose the chance of practicing themselves. For instance, a dancing club recruits new members every year, and these members are charges for a fee for studying dancing in the club. In general, his revenue of the club is sufficient to keep it. It can be used to rent teaching places like a room in the gym at the campus, or invite professional dancers to give a lesson.

　　In conclusion, if a university wants to be more attractive for those good students,it shouldn’t spend too much money on social activities. Compared with social activities, researching condition and teaching level are more important for a university, indicating that students may pay more attention to these aspects instead of social organization.

   　　小站教育老师批改后：

　　Nowadays, universities are paying more attention on[to. Pay attention to是固定用法] enrolling good students and they use many kinds of methods for it. When talking about methods that a university should use to attract good students,people may think about spending money in funding social activities [缺少句子成分]. However, I disagree with this statement. 【开头仍旧有提升的空间，建议参照范文做出改进】

　　To begin with, students, especially good students who are more interested in science and technology, may want to attend a university with high scientific research ability. When they are choosing university for themselves, they will consider more about the amounts of distinguished professors and lab equipments[是不可数名词，没有复数形式]【过早下定论，而且没有比较有说服力的列证来证明】 rather than the conditions[condition] of school social activities. It's reported that Stanford University, the dream school of each student majoring statistics, put 60% of its revenue into scientific research[表意不够明确]. With the highest level of researching[doing research], it attracted over 1,000 students from all over the world to apply to the graduate school of the Department of statistic last year. So, for good students, researching condition is an important part of a university.

　　In addition, the teaching ability of the faculty is one of the most important factors which can determine the university's ranking.And hiring these professors will cost a great deal of money[比较突兀的一句话，感觉跟上下文没有什么联系]. I'm studying at the University of California, Davis. The reason why I choose it is the most famous professor of biostatistic[???it指的是什么?怎么变成了professor?], the major I'm studying now, is working at UCDavis. After I[去掉] attending the school, I was surprised by the professional ability of my professors and teaching assistants. They are willing to help me solve my problems about the courses, even they are occupied with other works. Thanks to them, I can graduate from my university with a good grade and gain the ability of doing research. Honestly, improving teaching level is an essential goal of every university. So that it's never too late to spend money on teaching.

　　Besides, most of the social organizations in the university campus can get money by themselves. As we all know, these organizations[organizations] are established by students without assistance of university, and this is also the specialty of these organizations. They provide the students a chance to experience a real commercial condition with profit, competitions and administration. However, if the university gives them money directly【可是这种也毕竟是少数，因此，论证的立足点就不稳固】, they will lose the chance of practicing themselves. For instance, a dancing club recruits new members every year, and these members are charges for[charge for很少用于被动语态。改为are asked to pay即可] a fee for studying dancing in the club. In general, his revenue of the club is sufficient to keep it[表意不够明确，his 和it指的分别是什么]. It can be used to rent teaching places like a room in the gym at the campus, or invite professional dancers to give a lesson.

　　In conclusion, if a university wants to be more attractive for those good students, it shouldn’t spend too much money on social activities. Compared with social activities, researching condition and teaching level are more important for a university, indicating that students may pay more attention to these aspects instead of social organization[这句话的逻辑和你需要论证的逻辑似乎恰恰相反].

　　预估分数：3

　　点评：语法错误虽然不是特别多，但是存在不能很好的达意的地方