Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Patience is usually not a good strategy;we should take action now rather than later.
学生原文：
Recently, there has been a controversial topic debated by a large number of people about whether it is wise to be patience. While many people might advocate that they prefer to wait until they figure out the best solution, I personally believe it is better to act immediately for the following reasons.
In the first place, taking action now can significantly facilitate students’ academic performance. With the rapid and prosperous development of science and technology, students are forced to deal with plenty of subjects in limited time. Without paying sufficient attention to each subject at the very beginning, students will regret for the waste of time at the end of the semester. For example, a student who fails to bend on study from the start and at the last moment tries to cram, hoping to get away with it, finds the result more often than frustratingly unsatisfactory. In such aspects, only by acting immediately can students open the gate to success.
Another reason is that taking action now can serve as an important catalyst for job promotion. Whether in developing or developed countries, we have witness a booming economy, a flourishing civilization, and obviously, more challenge work tasks. And it is evident that the person who acts immediately can finish his tasks efficiently, be appreciated by his superiors and finally seizes the opportunity of job promotion. On the contrary, those employees who do not start until the deadline can hardly finish their work on time. And eventually, they will be forced to work in the bottom no matter how many year they have served the company.
Furthermore, only the one who acts immediately can seize the opportunity in the field of business. An illustrating example is that Ma Yun, established the first e-commerce company in China. Instead of hesitating whether the new business model can be successful in China just like other businessmen, Ma Yun decisively invested all his fortunes into e-commerce. The result was that when others realize the amazing of e-commerce, Ma Yun has created a tremendous amount of fortunes from his e-commerce company and no one can ever replicate the legend of Ma Yun. So, we can justifiably conclude that only the person who has the courage to act immediately can get more lead in the war of business.
In a nutshell, taking action now is essentially helpful for students’ academic performance, employees’ job promotion as well as the success of businessmen. Therefore, taking action now can bring success and nothing else can equal it.
修改后：
Recently, there has been a controversial topic debated by a large number of people about whether it is wise to be patience.【用形容词Patient】 While many people might advocate that they prefer to wait until they figure out the best solution, I personally believe it is better to act immediately for the following reasons.
In the first place, taking action now can significantly facilitate students’ academic performance. With the rapid and prosperous development of science and technology, students are forced to deal with plenty of subjects in limited time. Without paying sufficient attention to each subject at the very beginning, students will regret for the waste of time at the end of the semester. For example, a student who fails to bend on study from the start and at the last moment tries to cram, hoping to get away with it, finds the result more often than frustratingly unsatisfactory. In such aspects,only by acting immediately can students open the gate to success[good].
Another reason is that taking action now can serve as an important catalyst for job promotion. Whether in developing or developed countries, we have witness[witnessed] a booming economy, a flourishing civilization, and obviously, more challenge[challenging]work tasks. And it is evident that the person who acts immediately can finish his tasks efficiently, be appreciated by his superiors and finally seizes the opportunity of job promotion. On the contrary, those employees who do not start until the deadline can hardly finish their work on time. And eventually, they will be forced to work in [at]the bottom no matter how many year [years]they have served the company.
Furthermore, only the one who acts immediately can seize the opportunity in the field of business. An illustrating example is that Ma Yun, established the first e-commerce company in China. Instead of hesitating whether the new business model can be successful in China just like other businessmen, Ma Yun decisively invested all his fortunes into e-commerce. The result was that when others realize the amazing[用名词]of e-commerce, Ma Yun has created a tremendous amount of fortunes from his e-commerce company and no one can ever replicate the legend of Ma Yun. So, we can justifiably conclude that only the person who has the courage to act immediately can get more lead [???什么意思]in the war of business.
In a nutshell, taking action now is essentially helpful for students’ academic performance, employees’ job promotion as well as the success of businessmen. Therefore, taking action now can bring success and nothing else can equal it.
预估分数：3.3
老师建议：这篇文章的语法错误有点多，文中已经标出来了，希望下次不要出现了。还有就是一些语言的表达，试着用一些比较复杂的句式和词汇，这样分数可以更高，加油。
