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托福写作批改:[独立+综合][TPO1]高分作文推荐


作文批改前:

Question: Summarise the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on specific points made in the reading passage..

The reading passage puts forward a theory that working a four-day week will have benefits in several aspects. However, the lecturer disagrees and he argues that this new working pattern will in fact do much harm.

First, while the writer mentions that working a four-day workweek will increase the profits of company, the speaker disagrees. She believes that this working pattern will indeed force the company to spend a lot more money on training and giving medical benefits. Moreover, the additional office space and computers will also cost more.

Second, the writer states that four-day workweek will make the unemployment rate decrease. Yet, the lecturer argues that company will make the workers work overtime instead of hiring more employees due to the high cost mentioned above. Additionally, the company will probably expect the employees to do the same amount of work as before, which will make them live a more unpleasant life.

Finally, in oppositon to the view that employees can have more free time in a four-day workweek, the speaker argues that such working pattern will reduce their life quality and they will be more likely to lose jobs in financial crisis. In addition, there will have to be someone working five days to supervise the whole company.

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Sports and social activities are essential parts in university students\' life. By participating such activities, young people not only build up their body, but also establish friendships and accumulates social experience. Yet, some experts argue that sports and social activities at university and colleges are of same importance to classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. I agree.

First, sports and social activities can help students build up their bodies and make them be healthier. According to a recent survey, a sedentary lifestyle may lead to many serious diseases, including obesity, cardiopathy, and even cancer. Therefore, a healthy life should not be just confined to classes and libraries. Some outdoor sports and activities should definitely be added into students\' daily life. By doing some sports and social activities, students are more likely to be exposed into the natural sunlight, which is beneficial in preventing students from getting myopia based on a scientific research.

Another advantage of sports and social activities is that students can gain much social experience while participating in them. This is because students have to interact with people from different fields of the society during the activities and aquire much knowledge which they cannot learn on books. For example, when doing a volunteer work, students may counter with many difficulties and challenges. They will learn to be more enduring and resilient when facing adversities, and they will also be more prepared for future society. Therefore, sports and social activities are important parts in building students into a fully developed individuals.

Admittedly, classes and libraries are essential at universities and colleges, and should be supported financially. After all, students entered universities to obtain higher-level knowledge, which is their main purpose of going to school. Yet, this cannot be the excuse of not giving financial support for sports and social activities. There are millions of cases of schools only emphasizing on academic development and leading to abnormal development of students. Many students now do not have the ability to communicate well with others, which is in part due to the lack of support of sports and social activities at schools. Indeed, students can learn how to cooperate with group members and communicate effectively. These qualities are as important as knowledge in class.

In short, I agree that sports and social activities should be attached equal attention as classes and libraries. They get students better prepared for the society and make them become more perfect.

小站名师批改后:

Question: Summarise the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on specific points made in the reading passage..

The reading passage puts forward a theory that working a four-day week will have benefits in several aspects. However, the lecturer disagrees and he argues that this new working pattern will in fact do much harm.【表明the reading passage和the lecture观点对立】

First, while the writer mentions that working a four-day workweek will increase the profits of company, the speaker disagrees. She【转眼就变性了??He】 believes that this working pattern will indeed force the company to spend a lot more money on【in】 training and giving medical benefits. Moreover, the additional office space and computers will also cost more.

Second, the writer states that four-day workweek will make the unemployment rate decrease. Yet, the lecturer argues that company will make the workers work overtime instead of hiring more employees due to the high cost mentioned above. Additionally, the company will probably expect the employees to do the same amount of work as before, which will make them live a more unpleasant life.

Finally, in oppositon 【opposition】to the view that employees can have more free time in a four-day workweek, the speaker argues that such 【a】working pattern will reduce their life quality and they will be more likely to lose jobs in financial crisis. In addition, there will have to be someone working five days to supervise the whole company.

1、Accuracy:

信息点非常完整准确,不错!

2、Organization:

符合综合写作“总分”结构!

3、Language use:

很好,小小的细节问题,详见批注!

4、Strength:

信息点完整准确,结构完整!语言方面的问题也不大!

5、Weakness:

细节方面可以继续提高!

6、Improvement:

写完后,自己再检查一下。本来就已经做得不错了,咱们精益求精哈!

Integrated Task

Level Good

4.5

28

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Sports and social activities are essential parts in university students\' life. By participating 【in】such activities, young people not only build up their body, but also establish friendships andaccumulates【accumulate】 social experience. Yet, 【逻辑连接词选用不当,改为Thus】some experts argue that sports and social activities at university and colleges are of 【the】same importance to classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. I agree.【语势比较弱,改为I cannot agree more. 我完全赞同。】【表明观点】

First, sports and social activities can help students build up their bodies and make them be healthier.According to a recent survey, a sedentary lifestyle may lead to many serious diseases, including obesity, cardiopathy, and even cancer. Therefore, a healthy life should not be just confined to classes and libraries. Some outdoor sports and activities should definitely be added into students\' daily life. By doing some sports and social activities, students are more likely to be exposed into the natural sunlight, which is beneficial in preventing students from getting myopia based on a scientific research.【Nice!】

Another advantage of sports and social activities is that students can gain much social experience while participating in them. This is because students have to interact with people from different fields of the society during the activities and aquire【acquire】 much knowledge which they cannot learn on books. For example, when doing a volunteer work, students may counter【encounter】with many difficulties and challenges. They will learn to be more enduring and resilient when facing adversities, and they will also be more prepared for future society. Therefore, sports and social activities are important parts in building students into a fully developed individuals.【Great!】

Admittedly, classes and libraries are essential at universities and colleges, and should be supported financially. After all, students entered【enter,用一般现在时】 universities to obtain higher-level knowledge, which is their main purpose of going to school. Yet, this cannot be the excuse of【for注意搭配】 not giving financial support for sports and social activities. There are millions of cases of schools only emphasizing on academic development and leading to abnormal development of students. Many students now do not have the ability to communicate well with others, which is in part due to the lack of support of sports and social activities at schools. Indeed, students can learn how to cooperate with group members and communicate effectively. These qualities are as important as knowledge in class.

In short, I agree that sports and social activities should be attached equal attention as classes and libraries. They get students better prepared for the society and make them become more perfect.

I really appreciate this essay.

1、Topic Development:

Great!

2、Organization:

Nice!

3、Language use:

Wonderful.

4、Strength:

Marvelous!

5、Weakness:

Nil.

6、Improvement:

Keep practicing and keep up the good work.

Independent Task

Level Good

5.0

30

Integrated Task

Independent Task

Scaled Score

4.5

5.0

29

Good

Good

Practice more and try to get 30. And surely you can.

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