托福写作批改：[独立+综合][TPO24]高分作文推荐

作文批改前：

Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they challenge the specific theories presented in the reading passage.

The reading passage reaches the conclusion that the fossil of T.rex might still contain remains of the tissues of the animal. However, the professor holds different ideas.

To begin with, in the reading passage, we learn that a lot of tiny branching channels are found inside the bone fossil. The professor argues that the remains of the blood tissue may come from the bacteria inside the bone.

In addition, the reading passage states that spheres are found in inner bone and red blood cells can be remained. Moreover, it gives evidence that the sphere have red centers. However, the professor points that there is no evidence show that creature at that time had red cells and the red centers should be something else.

As a final point, in the reading passage, it talks about the leg bone that contained collagen. Collagen is a kind of biochemical material that we would expect to find in the bone tissue. However, the professor indicates that the collagen can not live such a long time. It probably comes from some recent material. For example, it may be from the human skin while the researchers handle the bone.

In conclusion, the professor does not agree with the reading passage.

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

When I was eighteen, I found a part-time job in McDonald. Through this working experience, I recognized many people, faced many difficulties, practiced my communication skill and knew the adult life a lot. That\'s why I totally agree that one of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.

&To begin with, a part-time job can give teenagers lots of opportunities to practice their ability of communication. When I worked in McDonald, I was the youngest staff in that store. I had to communicate with my colleagues who were much older than me. No matter how I felt nervous, I must ask question about the working stuff. In lunch time, all the colleagues should coordinate well to cope with the great amount of the customers.Without good communication skill, the cooperation could not be possible.

In addition, through the hard work, a teenage would know the difficulty of making money. I was born in a wealthy family. Study hard and get a good score were all I needed to do. I had never given much thought to where the money I used came from. After my part-time job experience, I did know the difficulty of making money, and understood the adult life was not as easy as I imagined.

As a final point, doing a part-time job gives you an good chance to face variable situation that you never faced before. I was argued by a customer for my slow services, making me too nervous to hold a cup; I made a mistake to give wrong food to a customer, leading me lost the bonus of the month. I deeply felt that I should do better after I graduate from the college.

To sum up, take a part-time job has plenty of benefits for teenage children to prepare for adult life. Parents should give their support for them to take a part-time job.

小站名师批改后：

Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they challenge the specific theories presented in the reading passage.
The reading passage reaches the conclusion that the fossil of T.rex might still contain remains of the tissues of the animal. However, the professor holds different ideas.
To begin with, in the reading passage, we learn that a lot of tiny branching channels are found inside the bone fossil. The professor argues that the remains of the blood tissue may come from the bacteria inside the bone.【很简洁，不错！】
In addition, the reading passage states that spheres are found in inner bone and red blood cells can be remained. Moreover, it gives evidence that the sphere have red centers. However, the professor points that there is no evidence show 【that shows改为定语从句】that creature at that time had red cells and the red centers should be something else.
As a final point, in the reading passage, it talks about the leg bone that contained collagen. Collagen is a kind of biochemical material that we would expect to find in the bone tissue. However, the professor indicates that the collagen can not【cannot，can和not一般连写】live such a long time. It probably comes from some recent material. For example, it may be from the human skin while the researchers handle the bone.
In conclusion, the professor does not agree with the reading passage.

信息点完整准确，而且语言表达很简洁清晰！

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

When I was eighteen, I found a part-time job in McDonald. Through this working experience, I recognized many people, faced many difficulties, practiced my communication skill and knew the adult life a lot. That\'s why I totally agree that one of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job. 【通过自己的亲身经历，引出自己的观点，不错】

To begin with, a part-time job can give teenagers lots of opportunities to practice their ability of communication.When I worked in McDonald, I was the youngest staff in that store. I had to communicate with my colleagues who were much older than me. No matter how I felt nervous 【how nervous I felt】, I must ask question about the working stuff. In lunch time, all the colleagues should coordinate well to cope with the great amount of the customers. Without good communication skill, the cooperation could not be possible.

In addition, through the hard work, a teenage 【teenager】would know the difficulty of making money. I was born in a wealthy family. Study 【Studying】hard and get 【getting】a good score were all I needed to do. I had never given much thought to where the money I used came from. After my part-time job experience, I did know the difficulty of making money, and understood the adult life was not as easy as I imagined.

As a final point, doing a part-time job gives you an 【a】 good chance to face variable situation that you never faced before. I was argued 【用词不当，改为complain】by a customer for my slow services, making me too nervous to hold a cup; I made a mistake to give wrong food to a customer, leading me lost the bonus of the month. I deeply felt that I should do better after I graduate from the college.

To sum up, take 【taking】a part-time job has plenty of benefits for teenage children to prepare for adult life. Parents should give their support for them to take a part-time job.

观点明确，结构清晰，非常好。

主要注意动词原形不能直接作主语，详见批注!