托福写作批改：[综合][TPO27]高分作文推荐

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Apparently, the professor disproves what is claimed in the reading passage. According to the passage, the little ice age could be accounted by three main causes: the disruption of Gulf Stream, the volcanic eruption and the decline of human population. However, as the professor asserts, although the theories seem convincing at the first glance, all of three reasons are out of date, and hence, could not explained how the little ice age is formed. The professor then provides further information and evidence to demonstrate his point of view.

Firstly, according to the passage, the cold freshwater running into the Gulf Stream can affect climate, and therefore contributes the cooling. While, the professor points out that the disruption of Gulf Stream can only affect Europe and North America, but it has little influence on climate of other areas, such as the South African. Therefore, the disruption does not necessarily result in the little ice age.

Moreover, as is stated by the author, volcanic eruption releases enough dust and gas into the atmosphere which can block the sunlight and thus decreases overall temperatures. Nevertheless, the professor suggests relevant evidence shows that the eruption might not be strong enough. If there was a great number of dust and particles, the sunset would have changed its color and the color of snow have changed from white to grown, but no report has reveal such issues. So that means that the volcanic eruption turns out to be a flimsy explanation.

Last but not least, the author argues that the decline of human population could contribute to the cooling since more forest trees can absorb more carbon dioxide which helps maintain the greenhouse effect. Yet, the professor mentions that since human population returns to its previous level in a short period, there is not enough time for the theory to work. In order to feed the growing population, people have to cut down even more trees and greenhouse effect remains. This way, the decline of human population theory could not be convincing.

小站名师批改后：

Apparently, the professor disproves what is claimed in the reading passage. According to the passage, the little ice age could be accounted by three main causes: the disruption of Gulf Stream, the volcanic eruption and the decline of human population. However, as the professor asserts, although the theories seem convincing at the first glance, all of three reasons are out of date, and hence, could not explained【explain】 how the little ice age is formed. The professor then provides further information and evidence to demonstrate his point of view.【同学的首段太复杂了，不用论述的那么详细，具体哪几方面正文中论述就可以了，首段只需要提到两点：1 主要是针对小冰期进行讨论的 2 听力和阅读的内容一一相对。】

Firstly, according to the passage, the cold freshwater running into the Gulf Stream can affect climate, and therefore contributes the cooling. While, the professor points out that the disruption of Gulf Stream can only affect Europe and North America, but it has little influence on climate of other areas, such as the South African【and New Zealand】. Therefore, the disruption does not necessarily result in the little ice age.【本段的论述还是不错的】

Moreover, as is stated by the author, volcanic eruption releases enough dust and gas into the atmosphere which can block the sunlight and thus decreases overall temperatures. Nevertheless, the professor suggests relevant evidence shows that the eruption might not be strong enough. If there was【were】 a great number of dust and particles, the sunset would have changed its color and the color of snow have changed from white to grown, but no report has reveal【has revealed】such issues. So that means that the volcanic eruption turns out to be a flimsy explanation.【表达没有很大的问题，细节语法需要注意一下。】

Last but not least, the author argues that the decline of human population could contribute to the cooling since more forest trees can absorb more carbon dioxide which helps maintain the greenhouse effect. Yet, the professor mentions that since human population returns to its previous level in a short period, there is not enough time for the theory to work. In order to feed the growing population, people have to cut down even more trees and greenhouse effect remains. This way, the decline of human population theory could not be convincing.

Ø Accuracy:信息抓取的准确性和内容的完整性都不错。

Ø Organization:行文结构完整。

Ø Language use:语言表达上没有很大的问题，同学的基础还是很扎实的。

Ø Strength: 信息点的对应很准，语句的描述也比较到位。

Ø Improvement:同学还是需要在细节语法上仔细一些，争取更上一层。