托福写作批改：[综合+独立][TPO9]高分作文推荐

作文批改前:

Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they oppose the specific points made in the reading passage.

The reading passage explores the issue of whether fuel-cell engines will replace the internal-combustion engines. The professor in the lecture deals with the same issue. However, she thinks that fuel-cell engines will not soon replace internal-combustion, which contradicts what the reading states. Then she puts forward 3 reasons to support her view.

Firstly, the reading states that hydrogen needed for fuel-cell engines is more available and renewable than petroleum which is a finite resource. However, the professor aruges that hydrogen is actually not easily available because it is technically difficult to produce and restore liquid hydrogen which is used in fuel-cell engines. Obviously, the professor disproves its counterpart in the reading.

Secondly, contrary to the statement in the reading that hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines are more eco-friendly because the by-product of fuel-cell engines is water, while burning of oil will harm the environment, the professor contends that the production of hydrogen needs a lot of energy which comes from burning oil. In other words, the production of hydrogen will cause environmental problems.

Finally, the professor asserts that it is really expensive to produce the fuel-cell engine because this needs platinum, which is rare and expensive, as one of the materials, whereas the author of the reading passage claims that fuel-cell engines are more economically competitive because they cost less money than internal-combustion when driving the same distance. Then the professor proves that this view is not defensible by pointing out that currently platinum cannot be replaced by other materials.

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some people think that children are less creative and imaginative than they were in the past due to the technological advance that has confined their imagination. However, as far as I am concerned, the development of technology and science actually enhances children\'s creativity.

First and foremost, technology massively broadens children\' horizons and increases their knowledge. In the past, children could only acquire knowledge from their teacher, which, to some extent, limited the information children could receive. This correspondently restricted their imagination. However, after the invention such as computer and Internet, children are able to access a great amount of information and knowledge; during the process of independent learning and thinking, children\'s ability of imagination and creativity are gradually boosted.

Moreover, various entertainments, such as movies and computer games brought by the advance of technology, also provide children with plenty of resources of imagining. Take my little brother as an example. Loving watching movies and playing computer games, especially scientific ones, he is dreaming of being a scientist and astronaut in the future. Moreover, he also goes to read books relevant to this field, hoping that he can invent the spacecraft that has the ability to travel to different timeline. I also saw his \"blueprint\" before, which is fascinating; and I do not think that I could make this thing in the past when I was a child.

Some people argue that, as children in the past could only read books and play games they created with their friends, they had more opportunities to think and imagine, while nowadays\' children are addicted to computer games and cartoons, which have restricted and confined their imagination. This view is not defensible in that, without the renovation of technology, children\'s imagination cannot come true, resulting that they lack the motif to create and imagine. Cameron, one of the most imaginative and ground-breaking movie directors in the history, determined to become a director after he received a camera from his uncle because he realized that this little machine could make what he thought in his mind become real and tangible. The advance of technology just gives him the motivation to keep creating and imagining.

In a nutshell, the development of technology contributes dramatically to making children more creative than before, because it increases children\'s knowledge, brings more resources for imagination and motivates children to think, to imagine and to create.

小站名师批改后：

Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they oppose the specific points made in the reading passage.

The reading passage explores the issue of whether fuel-cell engines will replace the internal-combustion engines. The professor in the lecture deals with the same issue. However, she thinks that fuel-cell engines will not soon replace internal-combustion, which contradicts what the reading states. Then she puts forward 3 reasons to support her view.【建议表述简洁点!】

Firstly, the reading states that hydrogen needed for fuel-cell engines is more available and renewable than petroleum which is a finite resource. However, the professor aruges that hydrogen is actually not easily available because it is technically difficult to produce and restore【store，注意词义辨析】 liquid hydrogen which is used in fuel-cell engines. Obviously, the professor disproves its counterpart in the reading.

Secondly, contrary to the statement in the reading that hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines are more eco-friendly because the by-product of fuel-cell engines is water, while burning of oil will harm the environment, the professor contends that the production of hydrogen needs a lot of energy which comes from burning oil. In other words, the production of hydrogen will cause environmental problems.

Finally, the professor asserts that it is really expensive to produce the fuel-cell engine because this needs platinum, which is rare and expensive, as one of the materials, whereas the author of the reading passage claims that fuel-cell engines are more economically competitive because they cost less money than internal-combustion when driving the same distance. Then the professor proves that this view is not defensible by pointing out that currently platinum cannot be replaced by other materials.

1、Accuracy:

信息点基本上准确完整!

2、Organization:

结构清晰完整!

3、Language use:

词汇句式变化比较丰富，不过建议第一段的语言简练一点!

4、Strength:

信息点和词汇语法方面都不错!

5、Weakness:

首段表述比较累赘，存在语义重复!

6、Improvement:

简化表达!

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some people think that children are less creative and imaginative than they were in the past due to the technological advance that has confined their imagination. However, as far as I am concerned, the development of technology and science actually enhances children\'s creativity.【表明观点!】

First and foremost, technology massively broadens children\' horizons and increases their knowledge. In the past, children could only acquire knowledge from their teacher【teachers】, which, to some extent, limited the information children【they】 could receive. This correspondently restricted their imagination. However, after the invention such as computer and Internet, children are able to access a great amount of information and knowledge; during the process of independent learning and thinking, children\'s ability of imagination and creativity are gradually boosted.

Moreover, various entertainments, such as movies and computer games brought by the advance of technology, also provide children with plenty of resources of imagining. Take my little brother as an example. Loving watching movies and playing computer games, especially scientific ones, he is dreaming of being a scientist and astronaut in the future. Moreover, he also goes to read books relevant to this field, hoping that he can invent the spacecraft that has the ability to travel to different timeline. I also saw his \"blueprint\" before, which is fascinating; and I do not think that I could make this thing in the past when I was a child.

Some people argue that, as children in the past could only read books and play games they created with their friends, they had more opportunities to think and imagine, while nowadays\' children are addicted to computer games and cartoons, which have restricted and confined their imagination. This view is not defensible in that, without the renovation of technology, children\'s imagination cannot come true, resulting that 【as a result, / consequently】they lack the motif to create and imagine. Cameron, one of the most imaginative and ground-breaking movie directors in the history, determined to become a director after he received a camera from his uncle because he realized that this little machine could make what he thought in his mind become real and tangible. The advance of technology just gives him the motivation to keep creating and imagining.

In a nutshell, the development of technology contributes dramatically to making children more creative than before, because it increases children\'s knowledge, brings more resources for imagination and motivates children to think, to imagine and to create.

1、Topic Development:

话题展开充分!

2、Organization:

结构清晰完整，两个分论点加一个让步段论证观点，事例论据充分!

3、Language use:

词汇句式变化丰富!

4、Strength:

结构论证都很充分!

5、Weakness:

一点点的细节问题，详见批注!

6、Improvement:

多看看自己写的作文，反思总结!