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托福写作批改:[综合+独立][TPO21]高分作文推荐


作文批改前:

Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they challenge the specific points made in the read passage.

In the reading, the author points out three advantages of genetically modified trees. However, the professor respectively contradicts all his assertions by using three specific points as supports.

To begin with, contrary to the belief in the reading that genetically modified trees could be more likely to survive in some extreme environment, the professor contends that they could all die if some other poor condition which they haven\'t be designed to resist to happened. In terms of unmodified trees, there are always a few trees can survive in all kinds of condition because their genes are not uniform.

In addition, while the reading passage shows the economic benefits,such as greater food, fruit and other products, which can be obtained by planting such trees, the professor argues that some hiden cost should\'t be ignored. The seeds of genetically modified trees are a lot more expensive and even if farmers wants to plant trees with seeds collected from trees which have been paid, he is still required to pay the company according to the law.

Finally, despite the statement of the professor that such trees can help to solve the problem of wild trees\' overexploiting, the professor claims that the introduction of genetically modified trees will damage the local trees actually. These trees will outcompete resources and place with wild trees.

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, a decent career has increasingly become a criterion to judge whether a person is successful or not. Therefore, it\'s not surprising that a large number of citizens are considering about the avenue to sucess in a future job. There are mainly two approaches: to relate well to people, or to study hard in school. Personally, as a big fans of the former statement, I hold the idea that it\'s more significant to build your social network in school than to get a good command of professional knowledge by working hard.

To begin with, the ability to relate well to people is helpful for pursuing your future working partners. As it\'s commonly acknowledged, a large amount of students in school, especially in a key high school or a university with a widespread reputation, are promising to become expects of his own field, and can be your Sisters of Fate. For example, my father started his website company after graduating. When facing some troubles,such as the deficiency of capital, the difficulties of website design or sometimes less attraction to Internet surfer, his friends in school majoring in economics, art ,advertising and so on will give him a hand. Luckily, the company is still running now and continually makes huge profit every year, which has to partially give credit to his schoolmates. So,by relating well to people will provide you with a variety of resources for the future career.

In addition, the ability to relate well to people is also a necessity in the most jobs. You will run most assignments with communication with others. For instance, I want to be a great salesman in the future. To realize my dream, I should cultivate my ability to keep in somewhat close contact with people who hold different ideas of the world, on account of the key to be a successful salesperson, which is considered as always to stand in other people\'s shoes when doing business with different customers. Apparently, the school is a perfect place to train this capability.

Admittedly, working hard is still necessary in school, because without professional skills and the diploma, we can\'t even get a job. Nevertheless, when it comes to the success in one\'s career, I think interpersonal skills are more critical. The knowledge can be up-dated every seconds after all.


小站写作老师批改后:

Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they challenge the specific points made in the read passage.

In the reading, the author points out three advantages of genetically modified trees. However, the professor respectively contradicts all his assertions by using three specific points as supports.

To begin with, contrary to the belief in the reading that genetically modified trees could be more likely to survive in some extreme environment, the professor contends that they could all die if some other poor conditions which they haven'tbe【been】 designed to resist to happened. In terms of unmodified trees, there are always a few trees 【+which】can survive in all kinds of conditions because their genes are not uniform.

In addition, while the reading passage shows the economic benefits, such as greater food, fruit and other products, which can be obtained by planting such trees, the professor argues that some hidden cost shouldn’t be ignored. The seeds of genetically modified trees are a lot more expensive and even if farmers wants【want】 to plant trees with seeds collected from trees which have been paid, he is still required to pay the company according to the law.

Finally, despite the statement of the professor that such trees can help to solve the problem of wild trees' over exploiting, the professor claims that the introduction of genetically modified trees will damage the local trees actually. These trees will out compete resources and places with wild trees.

1.对讲座内容和阅读内容的描述准确、全面

2.用自己的话转述原文内容方面做得非常好

3.语言表达非常有条理,善于使用长句把一个问题说清楚

分数:5.0

Level: GOOD (4.0–5.0)

ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INTERGRATED TASK

>> Continue to improve your ability to relate and convey information from two or more sources. For example, practice analyzing reading passages in English.

>> Read two articles or chapters on the same topic or issue, write a summary of each, and then explain the ways they are similar and the ways they are different.

>> Practice combining listening and reading by searching for readings related to talks and lectures with teacher or a friend.

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, a decent career has increasingly become a criterion to judge whether a person is successful or not. Therefore, it's not surprising that a large number of citizens are considering about the avenue to success in a future job. There are mainly two approaches: to relate well to people, or to study hard in school. Personally, as a big fans of the former statement, I hold the idea that it's more significant to build your social network in school than to get a good command of professional knowledge by working hard.

To begin with, the ability to relate well to people is helpful for pursuing your future working partners. As it's commonly acknowledged, a large amount of students in school, especially in a key high school or a university with a widespread reputation, are promising to become expects【experts】 of his own field【their own fields,注意保持人称一致哦。。】, and can be your Sisters of Fate. For example, my father started his website company after graduating. When facing some troubles, such as the deficiency of capital, the difficulties of website design or sometimes less attraction to Internet surfer, his friends in school majoring in economics, art , advertising and so on will【would,过去时态】 give him a hand. Luckily, the company is still running now and continually makes huge profit every year, which has to partially give credit to his schoolmates. So, by relating well to people will provide you with a variety of resources for the future career.

In addition, the ability to relate well to people is also a necessity in the most jobs. You will run most assignments with【through】 communication with others. For instance, I want to be a great salesman in the future. To realize my dream, I should cultivate my ability to keep in somewhat close contact with people who hold different ideas of the world, on account of the key to be a successful salesperson, which is considered as always to stand in other people's shoes when doing business with different customers. Apparently, the school is a perfect place to train this capability.

Admittedly, working hard is still necessary in school, because without professional skills and the diploma, we can't even get a job. Nevertheless, when it comes to the success in one's career, I think interpersonal skills are more critical. The knowledge can be up-dated every seconds after all.

1. 作者的开头在引入主题方面做的非常好,观点表达清晰,全文内容完整、切题

2. 支持段落中,论述过程有理有据,十分有说服力

3. 段落结构连贯,语言流畅

4. 英文表达地道

分数:5.0

Level: GOOD (4.0–5.0)

ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INDEPENDENT TASK

>> Continue to improve your ability to express opinions by studying the ways that published writers express their opinions.

>> Read articles and essays written by professional writers that express opinions about an issue (for example, asocial, environmental or educational issue).

>> Identify the writer’s opinion or opinions.

>> Notice how the writer addresses possible objections to the opinions, if the writer discusses these.


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