写作批改前：
People tend to emphasis on the social network in current day. We can easily find a book in store entitled: good network, bright future. Opportunists believe they have found a shortcut to succeed. Busy in relating to varies people, they hope to bypass the tough studying work in school. However, social relationship is a catalyst for success in the future job instead of cornerstone. Under no circumstances could people attain success without the painstaking study. In fact, studying hard is the prerequisite for people to succeed. In this way, we can pave the achievements by solid theoretical knowledge and the spirit to overcome difficulties.
Solid foundation of knowledge resembles the base of a building. Without the base, a slick building will collapse easily. Theory is always regarded as boredom and outdated without any practical values. Those who hold this view are too superficial to get any achievements. In fact, people are supposed to work hard in school to absorb enough knowledge. For instance, students who always study idly in school always are fond of citing the example of Bill Gates, Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs, who dropped their universities in their teenage years. However, they are blind to their assiduous study in school. Be that as it may they quitted the schools; they were readily devoted to the study of theoretical knowledge. Without the all-round knowledge, they would have never exploited the Windows, set Facebook and invent IPhones. Therefore, those who never take the hardworking into consideration are unlikely to achieve success in the future.
Second, industrious study cultivates a man of perseverance. One of the ways we can obtain such spirit is studying hard in school. We are well informed of the rough obstacles in the way to succeed; many people are dread and then drove away from the bright future. Pitiful as it may be, but the cruel truth is that perseverance is the decisive factor of success. For example, intense university study occupies a lot of my time and keeps challenging my physical and mental endurance. Staying up late and competing with classmates make me fatigued. However, yearning for the self-fulfillment and success, I hold the strong faith and persist studying. Finally, during the process of constantly overpassing the hurdles, I am more determined and more confident to untangle difficulties in the future. Therefore, we can conclude that studying hard in school is beneficial to student’s tenacity.
Admittedly, in the current world, the value of society tends to be more various. In other words, people did not regard the hardworking as the only gateway to success. However, the brilliant social skill is a bonus when people have succeeded, not the basis of success. That means those who did not perform well in school hardly have chances for success in the future job. By no means can they avoid the payment in study. Even if they tried their best to relate to well people, it is just a unilateral communication. The successful people will not respond to those who can boast but cannot create practical values to the company. In this way, studying hard is plainly of more importance.
In conclusion, one to succeed should never ignore the hardworking. The hardworking cannot equal the derail to reality, but it provides a solid foundation of knowledge and does a great help in forming the valuable quality of endurance to the hardship.
小站批改后：
People tend to emphasis on the social network in current day[network currently]. We can easily find a book in store entitled: good network, bright future. [书名要斜体] Opportunists believe they have found a shortcut to succeed. Busy in relating to varies people, they hope to bypass the tough studying work in school. However, social relationship is a catalyst for success in the future job instead of cornerstone. Under no circumstances could people attain success without the [the去掉] painstaking study. In fact, studying hard is the prerequisite for people to succeed. In this way, we can pave the achievements by solid theoretical knowledge and the spirit to overcome difficulties. [这个的开头不如另一篇了]
Solid foundation of knowledge resembles the base of a building. Without the base, a slick building will collapse easily. Theory is always regarded as boredom and outdated without any practical values. Those who hold this view are too superficial to get any achievements. In fact, people are supposed to work hard in school to absorb enough knowledge.[这个点比较普通，毕竟上面你提到的这个观点也是有道理的。所以，你可以说，受教育，多汲取知识，不只是为了知识本身，而是在这个过程中学会的思维方式等，乔布斯的例子也可以从这个角度来活用，这样就可以脱俗了]For instance, students who always study idly in school always are fond of citing the example of Bill Gates, Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs, who dropped their universities in their teenage years. However, they are blind to their assiduous study in school. Be that as it may they quitted the schools; they were readily devoted to the study of theoretical knowledge. Without the all-round knowledge, they would have never exploited the Windows, set Facebook and invent IPhones. Therefore, those who never take the hardworking into consideration are unlikely to achieve success in the future. [此段建议重写]
Second, industrious study cultivates a man of perseverance. One of the ways we can obtain such spirit is studying hard in school. We are well informed of the rough [tough？] obstacles in the way to succeed; many people are dread and then drove [driven] away from the bright future. Pitiful as it may be, but the cruel truth is that perseverance is the decisive factor of success. For example, intense university study occupies a lot of my time and keeps challenging my physical and mental endurance. Staying up late and competing with classmates make me fatigued. However, yearning for the self-fulfillment and success, I hold the strong faith and persist studying. Finally, during the process of constantly overpassing the hurdles, I am more determined and more confident to untangle difficulties in the future. Therefore, we can conclude that studying hard in school is beneficial to student’s tenacity. [最后一句也可以去掉的]
Admittedly, [不是每个题目一定要有这么一个让步，即便有，也建议是稍简短带过就可以了] in the current world, the value of society tends to be more various. In other words, people did not regard the hardworking as the only gateway to success. However, the brilliant social skill is a bonus when people have succeeded, not the basis of success. That means those who did not perform well in school hardly have chances for success in the future job. [这句也可以去掉，后面的部分一句话带过。试着简练地写]By no means can they avoid the payment in study. Even if they tried their best to relate to well people, it is just a unilateral communication. The successful people will not respond to those who can boast but cannot create practical values to the company. In this way, studying hard is plainly of more importance. [对你来说，不是写不出来，而是写太多了，这样看起来会觉得有些烦躁]
In conclusion, one to succeed should never ignore the hardworking. The hardworking cannot equal the derail to reality, but it provides a solid foundation of knowledge and does a great help in forming the valuable quality of endurance to the hardship.
预估分数：4
观点的展开上没另一篇出彩，而且你的文章真的挺啰嗦的，这点必须要改掉。
你的表述什么的没有大的问题，现在你要训练自己的概括能力，这对你写综合也很有好处。
当然了，一直积累好的表达是必修的功课。
Level: GOOD (3.7–5.0)
ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INTERGRATED TASK
>> Continue to improve your ability to relate and convey information from two or more sources. For example, practice analyzing reading passages in English.
>> Read two articles or chapters on the same topic or issue, write a summary of each, and then explain the ways they are similar and the ways they are different.
>> Practice combining listening and reading by searching for readings related to talks and lectures with teacher or a friend.
ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INDEPENDENT TASK
>> Continue to improve your ability to express opinions by studying the ways that published writers express their opinions.
>> Read articles and essays written by professional writers that express opinions about an issue (for example, a social, environmental or educational issue).
>> Identify the writer’s opinion or opinions.
>> Notice how the writer addresses possible objections to the opinions, if the writer discusses these.
>>尽量多阅读范文，模仿好的文章中作者阐述论证观点的方式。
>>多阅读不同类型话题的文章，积累专业作家针对不同话题的观点内容。
>>可以多引用别人的观点内容。
>>阅读范文过程中，注意作者如何反向论证观点。
小站批改后：
People tend to emphasis on the social network in current day[network currently]. We can easily find a book in store entitled: good network, bright future. [书名要斜体] Opportunists believe they have found a shortcut to succeed. Busy in relating to varies people, they hope to bypass the tough studying work in school. However, social relationship is a catalyst for success in the future job instead of cornerstone. Under no circumstances could people attain success without the [the去掉] painstaking study. In fact, studying hard is the prerequisite for people to succeed. In this way, we can pave the achievements by solid theoretical knowledge and the spirit to overcome difficulties. [这个的开头不如另一篇了]
Solid foundation of knowledge resembles the base of a building. Without the base, a slick building will collapse easily. Theory is always regarded as boredom and outdated without any practical values. Those who hold this view are too superficial to get any achievements. In fact, people are supposed to work hard in school to absorb enough knowledge.[这个点比较普通，毕竟上面你提到的这个观点也是有道理的。所以，你可以说，受教育，多汲取知识，不只是为了知识本身，而是在这个过程中学会的思维方式等，乔布斯的例子也可以从这个角度来活用，这样就可以脱俗了]For instance, students who always study idly in school always are fond of citing the example of Bill Gates, Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs, who dropped their universities in their teenage years. However, they are blind to their assiduous study in school. Be that as it may they quitted the schools; they were readily devoted to the study of theoretical knowledge. Without the all-round knowledge, they would have never exploited the Windows, set Facebook and invent IPhones. Therefore, those who never take the hardworking into consideration are unlikely to achieve success in the future. [此段建议重写]
Second, industrious study cultivates a man of perseverance. One of the ways we can obtain such spirit is studying hard in school. We are well informed of the rough [tough？] obstacles in the way to succeed; many people are dread and then drove [driven] away from the bright future. Pitiful as it may be, but the cruel truth is that perseverance is the decisive factor of success. For example, intense university study occupies a lot of my time and keeps challenging my physical and mental endurance. Staying up late and competing with classmates make me fatigued. However, yearning for the self-fulfillment and success, I hold the strong faith and persist studying. Finally, during the process of constantly overpassing the hurdles, I am more determined and more confident to untangle difficulties in the future. Therefore, we can conclude that studying hard in school is beneficial to student’s tenacity. [最后一句也可以去掉的]
Admittedly, [不是每个题目一定要有这么一个让步，即便有，也建议是稍简短带过就可以了] in the current world, the value of society tends to be more various. In other words, people did not regard the hardworking as the only gateway to success. However, the brilliant social skill is a bonus when people have succeeded, not the basis of success. That means those who did not perform well in school hardly have chances for success in the future job. [这句也可以去掉，后面的部分一句话带过。试着简练地写]By no means can they avoid the payment in study. Even if they tried their best to relate to well people, it is just a unilateral communication. The successful people will not respond to those who can boast but cannot create practical values to the company. In this way, studying hard is plainly of more importance. [对你来说，不是写不出来，而是写太多了，这样看起来会觉得有些烦躁]
In conclusion, one to succeed should never ignore the hardworking. The hardworking cannot equal the derail to reality, but it provides a solid foundation of knowledge and does a great help in forming the valuable quality of endurance to the hardship.
预估分数：4
观点的展开上没另一篇出彩，而且你的文章真的挺啰嗦的，这点必须要改掉。
你的表述什么的没有大的问题，现在你要训练自己的概括能力，这对你写综合也很有好处。
当然了，一直积累好的表达是必修的功课。
| Independent Task | Level：Good |
| 4 | 24 |
Level: GOOD (3.7–5.0)
ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INTERGRATED TASK
>> Continue to improve your ability to relate and convey information from two or more sources. For example, practice analyzing reading passages in English.
>> Read two articles or chapters on the same topic or issue, write a summary of each, and then explain the ways they are similar and the ways they are different.
>> Practice combining listening and reading by searching for readings related to talks and lectures with teacher or a friend.
ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INDEPENDENT TASK
>> Continue to improve your ability to express opinions by studying the ways that published writers express their opinions.
>> Read articles and essays written by professional writers that express opinions about an issue (for example, a social, environmental or educational issue).
>> Identify the writer’s opinion or opinions.
>> Notice how the writer addresses possible objections to the opinions, if the writer discusses these.
>>尽量多阅读范文，模仿好的文章中作者阐述论证观点的方式。
>>多阅读不同类型话题的文章，积累专业作家针对不同话题的观点内容。
>>可以多引用别人的观点内容。
>>阅读范文过程中，注意作者如何反向论证观点。
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