Smartphone is becoming part of people’s daily life, and this has had negative impact on people’s health..To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
学生原文：
Nowadays, smartphone has become so commonplace in our daily life that people begin to take it for granted. However, recently, some people assert that using smartphone will pose a threat on people’s physical and mental health. Personally speaking, I disagree with this point of view and the reasons are given below.
Admittedly, smartphone will be harmful to people’s physical health which includes eyes, necks and backs if they use it in a long term. It is particularly injurious to the teenagers. For example, studies show that some young adults have back pain and neck diseases because they use the touch screen of the smartphone with bowing their heads chronically; meanwhile, the teenagers also have the problems of vision loss with staring at the big and bright screen in a long time. Indeed,all these issue should gain the attention and to avoid using the smartphone uninterruptedly.
The advantages of using smartphone, however, greatly outnumber the back pains and the vision problems; especially when people need to contact their friends immediately or employ some practical function. Firstly, quickness is probably the number one benefit with the smartphone. Consider the fact that the smartphone can provide people with the opportunities to know the latest development of each other through some chatting software which can be installed in the phone. Another benefit of the smartphone is they are easy to operate----you just need to press some point in the screen and pull it to the place that you want to open, thus, you can finish the task and get the wanted information instantaneously. Last but not least, the diverse practical function is the most fascinating point of the smartphone. People can relax themselves from the fast-pace work by playing the phone games; the GPS digital map can help people to drive along the correct direction; the big and touch screen enable people to use the mobile phone shopping more conveniently.
To sum up, in my opinion, smartphone has been accepted by most of people in the world. It exerted a profound influence on humanity. Although it will cause some health problems, if use properly, the many advantages of using smartphone should encourage people to lead a comfortable and colorful life.
小站教育老师批改：
Nowadays, smartphone has become so commonplace in our daily life that people begin to take it for granted. However, recently, some people assert that using smartphone will pose a threat on people’s physical and mental health. Personally speaking, I disagree with this point of view and the reasons are given below.(To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?多大程度同意。要体现出来。不是单单问你同不同意。比如加上totally就可以)或者中心论点改为：as long as people can use it properly,I agree that smartphone can benefit people a lot. (提出条件)
Admittedly, smartphone will be harmful to people’s physical health which includes eyes, necks and backs if they use it in a long term.(这个短语是从长期看的意思，这边应该是长时间，for a long time) It is particularly injurious to the teenagers. For example, studies show (这样模糊的表达是好的，注意千万不要自己编一个来自于什么什么机构大学的报告) that some young adults have back pain and neck diseases because they use the touch screen of the smartphone with bowing their heads chronically; meanwhile,(相当于at/in the meantime) the teenagers also have the problems of vision loss with staring at the big and bright screen in a long time.(应该用for a long time, 而in a long time 通常用在将来时中) Indeed,all these issue should gain the attention and to avoid using the smartphone uninterruptedly.
The advantages of using smartphone, however, greatly outnumber the back pains and the vision problems; especially when people need to contact their friends immediately or employ some practical function. Firstly, quickness is probably the number one benefit with the smartphone. Consider (,considering) the fact that the smartphone can provide people with the opportunities to know the latest development of each other through some chatting software which can be installed in the phone. Another benefit of the smartphone is (that) they are (it is,注意到你前面用的都是the smartphone,单数) easy to operate----you just need to press some point in the screen and pull it to the place that you want to open, thus, you can finish the task and get the wanted information instantaneously. Last but not least, the diverse practical function is the most fascinating point of the smartphone. People can relax themselves from the fast-pace work by playing the phone games; the GPS digital map can help people to drive along (in)the (a)correct direction; the big and touch screen enable (enables)people to use the mobile phone shopping more conveniently.
To sum up, in my opinion, smartphone has been accepted by most of people in the world. It exerted a profound influence on humanity. Although it will cause some health problems, if use properly, the many advantages of using smartphone should encourage people to lead a comfortable and colorful life. （这个总结比较到位）
估分：6-6.5
评价：1.文章的词汇和短语用的有些错误，不够准确；
2.论述结构还可以再优化一下：第2-3段重点写smartphone的优点，第4段写：正是由于这些优点，人民过于依赖它，产生了一系列问题，结尾段：总结+建议。
