托福写作批改：[独立+综合][TPO30]高分作文推荐

托福写作批改前：

Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they challenge the specific point made in the reading passage.

The speaker states that, although the theory that never did the Greeks use the \"burning mirror\" to defend themselves sounds convincing, it suffers from several flaws on various grounds, as is presented below.

Firstly, according to the reading material, technology was one of the formidable obstacles for the Greeks. However, the speaker points out that although hardly could the Greeks manufacture a large sheet of copper, the Greeks could utilized several small pieces of mirror instead to built the device . Consequently, the statement in the reading text is unconvincing.

Secondly, the speaker challenges the statement in the reading passage that this weapon would have been exceedingly impractical and ineffective since never could set the wood on fire from 30 meters away within ten minutes. The speaker argues that a material called pitch can be set on fire in seconds, causing the whole ship to catch fire with ease.

Lastly, although the reading material claims that hardly could mirror destroy the Roman ships as effectively as flaming arrows did, the speaker mentions that it was the mirror that enabled the Greeks to catch the Romans off guard in the war since it was less conspicuous than the flaming arrows. As a result, the mirror was likely to be used as a deadly weapon.

Question:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

According to the prompt above, it is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. Of course, opinions regarding this issue will divert to a large extent because of people\'s various characters, past experiences and attitudes toward to managing spare time.

For example, some people hold the belief that working five days for shorter hours is more beneficial since there will be more time for them to relax and entertain every day. From my perspective, however, spending only three days on my job enables me to congregate comparatively more traveling time which hardly could i obtain from tedious time schedule.

Working three days a week contributes to the my plans to travel. Hardly can i possess sufficient time for traveling without a appropriate arrangement since traveling is exceedingly time consuming. In fact, with four full days, visiting the famous sites of adjacent counties is becoming feasible. My personal experience can matches my point of view perfectly. Last summer, i went to Kyoto which is a prosperous city full of historic and ancient site. It was the dazzling array of ancient temples and the exquisite garden that captivated me. Although i stayed there for only four days, it was long enough to me to visit most of the famous sites. However, if i had possessed only two days, never would have i acquired a pleasant trip. From the example, we can see that a schedule requiring three working days a week can enables me enjoy a wonderful trip.

Even though working five days a week can provide people with more spare time per day to guarantee a sufficient relaxation, traveling in four continuous days is more tempting for me. As a result, it is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours.

小站名师批改后：

Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they challenge the specific point made in the reading passage.

The speaker states that, although the theory that never did the Greeks use the "burning mirror" to defend themselves sounds convincing, it suffers from several flaws on various grounds, as is presented below.

Firstly, according to the reading material, technology was one of the formidable obstacles for the Greeks. However, the speaker points out that although hardly could the Greeks manufacture a large sheet of copper, the Greeks could utilized【utilize】several small pieces of mirror instead to built【build】 the device . Consequently, the statement in the reading text is unconvincing.

Secondly, the speaker challenges the statement in the reading passage that this weapon would have been exceedingly impractical and ineffective since never could set the wood on fire from 30 meters away within ten minutes. The speaker argues that a material called pitch，【which is another material used to make the boats加上这句更好点哦】, can be set on fire in seconds, causing the whole ship to catch fire with ease.

Lastly, although the reading material claims that hardly could mirror destroy the Roman ships as effectively as flaming arrows did, the speaker mentions that it was the mirror that enabled the Greeks to catch the Romans off guard in the war since it was less conspicuous than the flaming arrows. As a result, the mirror was likely to be used as a deadly weapon.

对讲座的内容以及它对阅读文章的反驳描述得较为准确，条理清晰，逻辑严密，语言连贯; 词汇丰富，擅用倒装句

分数：4.8

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

According to the prompt above, it is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. Of course, opinions regarding this issue will divert to a large extent because of people's various characters, past experiences and attitudes toward to managing spare time.

For example, some people hold the belief that working five days for shorter hours is more beneficial since there will be more time for them to relax and entertain every day. From my perspective, however, spending only three days on my job enables me to congregate comparatively more traveling time which hardly could I obtain from tedious time schedule.

Working three days a week contributes to the my plans to travel. Hardly can i possess sufficient time for traveling without an appropriate arrangement since traveling is exceedingly time consuming. In fact, with four full days, visiting the famous sites of adjacent counties is becoming feasible. My personal experience can matches【match】 my point of view perfectly. Last summer, i went to Kyoto which is a prosperous city full of historic and ancient sites. It was the dazzling array of ancient temples and the exquisite garden that captivated me. Although i stayed there for only four days, it was long enough to【for】 me to visit most of the famous sites. However, if i had possessed only two days, never would have i 【I have】acquired a pleasant trip. From the example, we can see that a schedule requiring three working days a week can enables me【+to】 enjoy a wonderful trip.

Even though working five days a week can provide people with more spare time per day to guarantee a sufficient relaxation, traveling in four continuous days is more tempting for me. As a result, it is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours.

全文观点统一，各段思路脉络清晰，紧扣中心思想；论证的逻辑性强，举例很好，如果论证内容有再多一段就更好啦；句子结构多样，措辞贴切得体，英文表达很地道

分数：4.8