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托福写作批改:机经独立写作

  原文
 
  Parents play important roles in our life, and the way they teach us will directly influence our characteristic. These days many parents claim that helping children to do their work can better educate them how to solve a problem properly, but others argue that encouraging them to do alone is better. In my opinion, these two ideas have instinct benefits, but when it comes into a question, that which way is better, I would stand on the latter one.
 
  I can think of no better illustration of this idea than the fact that children will eventually grow to adults and live on their own. There’s no doubt that everyone will have a time living without his parents, such as studying abroad, or working in another city, so parents can never take care of their kids for the whole life and help with all kinds of issues. It is essential for parents to give kids time practicing what they should do when something happens without the assist of adults. So that when they growing up, they will master the basic life skills, handle the task in studying or working, and keep calm to the emergency and think of best solution. Take myself as an example, when I was in primary school, my mother always ask me to walk to school alone when most of my classmates’ parents driven them to school. The result is that I became able to take care of myself when crossing the road and quickly find the right way to the destination, it do help when I travel to other city or country.
 
  It is also vital to develop the independency of a child. As I have mentioned above, we will finally leave our parents’ protection. We cannot always look forward to getting help from our parents. The only person we can rely on is ourselves.
 
  小站教育综合点评及批改意见:
 
  总的来说,这篇文章的逻辑结构还是OK的,但字数略微不足。建议用举例子、对比、解释等方式一方面来补足字数,另一方面使论述更加流畅。建议多参考范文,学习作者的阐述论点及具体论述的方式,适当借鉴优秀论文的分论点句及分论据。
 
  Independent Task 3.5
 
  Level:Fair 21
   
  ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INDEPENDENT TASK
 
  Write a response to an article or essay in English, taking the opposite viewpoint.
 
  Outline your response.
 
  Note the methods you use to support your ideas. Reread what you have written.
 
  Make sure your supporting ideas are clearly related to your main point.
 
  Note what method you use to develop each of your supporting points.
 
  Make sure you have developed each of your points in detail. Is there anything more you could have said to strengthen your points?
 
  学习建议:
 
  尝试用反面观点来进行论证。
 
  写文章前先制定写作大纲。
 
  写作是需要注意使用的论证方式,写好之后要回看修改。
 
  注意论据和论点之间的关系要紧密。
 
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