【写作批改】托福写作——[独立][官方真题Official17]高分范文推荐（原TPO）

2016年07月26日15:56 来源：小站整理: 参与（6）阅读（4456）

摘要：小站综合点评及批改意见：预估27分。整篇作文观点较为明确，内容格式也较为规范。整篇文章描述较为清楚明确，是为一篇不错的托福独立写作文章。

在托福备考的过程中，通过一些范文的参考，往往也会给大家的写作练习带来不少的帮助。那么，在以下内容中就为大家带来小站名师批改的托福写作，写完能为大家备考带来帮助。

Tpo17

Q: Most advertisements make their products seem much better than they really are?

When you ask a person about what he has seen the most on TV, his answer would always be "advertisements". According to an official survey, a person will be exposed to more than 100 advertisements on average each day. This shocking number indicates that advertisements are playing a more and more vital role in our life. However, most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are【乖，要在这里明确表述这个是你自己的观点哦~】.

Most companies invite celebrities to appear in the advertisement of their products to make them seem more trust-worthy【这个主题句简洁有力~】. Have you ever seen some popular actors or singers holding up a product and talking about how great it is? The reason why companies invite celebrities to advertise their products is that they are widely being trusted by consumers and regarded as the guarantee of the high quality. However, most of the times【改为: time】, what the celebrities are talking about is just an exaggeration. For example, last year, my uncle saw his favorite movie actor advertising a special-designed bicycle on television. He trusted him so much that he bought that bicycle without any hesitation. In the advertisement, the product is said to possess a high quality and its surface is resistant to water permanently. However, after several months, there were rusts all over the surface of my uncle's bike and the wheels could not turn fast anymore. My uncle started to realized that the product were usually not as good as it seemed in the ads.【这一段语言还是较为流利的~】

It is also quite common that advertisements are always equipped with special effects which make them look much better【这也是个很好的角度，能很好的论证自己的观点哦~】. As digital technology is developing rapidly within recent years, adding special effects to advertisements is just like a piece of cake. Thus, nearly all companies will use these effects to add more features to their products even if they do not exist at all. I clearly remember that 【乖，这里缺少个数字哦~】 years ago when I was sitting in front the television, I saw an ad towards the【改为: of a】 detergent. In that ad, a little boy carelessly spilt oil onto his shirt, and he was afraid that his mom would scold him. Thus, he bought a bag of a certain brand of detergent and mixed it with some water, and then came the magic. As soon as his shirt was soaked into the water, the spot of oil disappeared in the blink of an eye! I was so shocked by that advertisement and immediately bought the same detergent. However, it could hardly clean my clothes even if I washed them really hard. Actually, the magic in the ad was just a fake effect that was made to attract consumers in order to maximize profits.

After the【删除】 analyzing the real stories that happened around me, we may safely draw the conclusion that most advertisements do make their products seem much better than they really are.【结论观点也较为明确~】

整篇作文观点较为明确，内容格式也较为规范~!

论证较为充分，整体论证较为有层次，每个论证段主题句突出~语言较为流畅!

是一片不错的作文哦~

希望继续加油!!