【写作批改】托福写作——[独立][官方真题Official29]范文批改推荐（原TPO）

2016年07月26日15:41 来源：小站整理: 参与（2）阅读（5203）

摘要：小站综合点评及批改意见：预估21分。在整篇文章中观点明确，结构层次非常清楚!在句式表达中还可以多多添加一些复杂句式。

在托福备考的过程中，通过一些范文的参考，往往也会给大家的写作练习带来不少的帮助。那么，在以下内容中就为大家带来小站名师批改的托福写作，写完能为大家备考带来帮助。

Question:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
To improve the quality of education, universities should spend more money on salaries for university professors.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

I don’t think it is necessary for universities to pay more to the professors. But please don\\\'t get me wrong, I do think that professors deserve high salaries.【I do believe professors deserve a high salary, however, 】 What I mean is that【I am convinced that 】 universities do not need to do that just for improving the educational quality. I have several reasons for my argument:【观点直截了当建议适当进行背景介绍一边引入主题】

First, I don\\\'t believe a raised【higher】 salary will change anything about the professors. People\\\'s scholarly competence, academic or educational ability will not change at all, even if they get better paid. Also, the high salary will not increase any of the experience of the professors on their own job or major. Although, to some extent, more talented and capable people may become passionate on the cause of education, but I still don\\\'t think that money should be the only and first way to attract them.【论题并没有说是唯一的或者是最主要的而是要论证需不需要这里只要说明这个方式效果不明显，没有必要这样做即可】

Secondly, it\\\'s a common sense that the resources of a university are always limited. So it is very important to invest money on the most important and crucial events or projects. I think it would be more efficient to improve the quality of education if universities can spend more money on raising the scholarships which will【since this policy will】 definitely absorb more good students, or to enlarge the collection of their library, or to build a museum in their campus. They should also use the money to support more student activities which would create more opportunities for both universities and the students.

The third reason is that the quality of education of the professors can be improved in many other ways. Like【For example,】 the universities could adjust the form of teaching system(the Curriculum system) for their staff and give more free time to the professors to encourage them to do more academic researches which would finally help them to improve their educational【teaching】 ability. The professors may even more appreciate this kind of offer from the university, because from which they were【this they are】 allowed to be morefreedom【free】.【不能够仅仅是提出来说有这些方式还要说明这些方法比增加他们的工资更好】

That’s why I do not support the statement.【尾段简单总结上文再次重申观点】

1. 文章观点明确，结构完整。

2. 文章是常见的五段式作文。主体部分是三个平行的分论点，论证围绕分论点进行展开。建议在论证中可以穿插一些具体的例子来加以佐证。

3 学生的语言运用能力和表达能力一般，能够使用一些复杂句式，句式的多样化可以再提高，使用多种句型，如：定语从句，状语从句，宾语从句，主语从句，同位语从句，分词结构，介词，副词结构，插入语，倒装句，强调句等。平常还要多积累一些高分的词汇和句式并运用到自己的写作中去。