独立写作范文：如今的年轻人比以前更乐于助人（2013.1.26）

2018年08月14日16:32 来源：小站整理

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Young people today are more likely to help others than young people in the past.
【译文】你是否同意下面的陈述：现今年轻人比以前更乐于助人
【解析】有了解过托福考试官方指南(Official Guide)的同学都应该知道独立写作5分原始分标准里面的第一条是“有效地回应写作话题和任务”
具体来说，就是要求各位同学在看到题目之后，可以选用2-3个论点去论证自己的主要立场，这个立场就是全文的总论点，英文是‘Thesis’。很多同学的问题在于，在文章开头可以提出一个很清晰的立场，同时头脑中大概也能想到支撑该立场的原因，但是在真正开始写主体段的时候，所用的表达方式、所写的句子就会让人看得云里雾里！换句话说，就是没有很好地把关键内容——整个段落里面的‘核心’用一句话写下来，这句话叫做文章的主题句，英文是‘Topic Sentence’ (TS)。那么如何解决这个问题呢？接下来我们就以下面这篇范文一起来探讨一下。

In our country there has always been a spirit of volunteerism. As children, we are taught that helping those less fortunate is our responsibility. But unfortunately, the growing prosperity of the nation has placed an emphasis on materialism and individual success, creating a generation of youth that do not understand the meaning of being selfless. I believe young people today are not as charitable as previous generations of young people.
【译文】在我们国家，始终有一种志愿精神的精神。从孩子时代起，我们就被教育说，帮助那些不幸的人是我们的责任。但不幸的是，这个国家日益增长的繁荣把重点放在了物质主义和个人成功上，造就了一代不懂得无私的人。我认为今天的年轻人不像前几代年轻人那样仁慈。
【解析】很多同学在拿到一个独立写作题目的时候，所面临的第一个难点就是不知道该如何开头。单刀直入的In my opinion，I agree…觉得太过简单粗暴，而花式开头又不知该从何入手。本文通过描述与该题材关键词相关的一些社会现状、现象、问题、趋势等内容来引入话题。然后直截了当的表明倾向性立场。不过建议可以注意对“我认为”的表达，尽量避免使用“I think”、“I believe”等比较俗套的短语，可以使用比如“From my own perspective”, “I am inclined to”, “I am prone to”等表达方式。

The main reasons I am so skeptical of the inclination of today’s youth to help people is that they are spoiled. I remember when I was young and using a computer at the public library was a privilege. When my parents bought me my own computer when I went to university, I understood how much they sacrificed to give me that as a present. Nowadays, children see expensive computers, like the iPad and iPhone, as a necessity, not a privilege. They receive all these kinds of gifts without comprehending how much their parents sacrifice to give them the very best in the latest technology. They do not know what it is to be without. I believe this has created a generation of selfish young people who do not understand and cannot empathize with those less fortunate, making them less likely to feel compelled to help others.
【译文】我对今天的年轻人更乐于助人这一点持怀疑态度，主要原因是现在的年轻人被宠坏了。我记得我年轻的时候在公共图书馆用电脑是一种特权。当我上大学的时候，我的父母给我买了我自己的电脑，我知道他们为了给我这个礼物而牺牲了多少。如今，孩子们把像iPad和iPhone这样的昂贵电脑视作必需品，而不是一种特权。他们收到了各种各样的礼物，却不知道他们的父母为了给他们最好的最新技术而牺牲了多少。他们不知道没有的是什么。我相信，这造就了一代自私的年轻人，他们不理解，也不能同情那些不幸的人，让他们不太可能去帮助别人。
【解析】段落的主题句可以出现在主体段落的开头、结尾或者中间部分。但是我们建议各位同学在考托福的时候还是要将主题句写在段落的首句，以便考官更好更快地抓到大家的分论点。然后关于主题句长度的问题，一般情况下，我们建议各位考生使用简单陈述句来表达观点，句子长度最好控制在15—20词之间。本段一开始作者就明确表达自己持怀疑态度，并且表述了原因。后续举例支持自己的分论点。

In addition, I think this generation has not learned to respect others. Trapped in their own digital world, they are unaware of the disrespect they show their elders when they ignore their parents and grandparents as they text and talk on their cellphones. Maybe that is not the sole cause, but I see a distinct difference between how they behave and how my generation behaved at that age. For example, when riding the bus, it is commonplace to offer your seat to an elderly gentleman or lady. Now, when I ride the bus, I constantly see young people who are sitting in the seats specifically reserved for senior citizens and who basically refuse to vacate the seat when a senior citizen enters the bus. Instead, they pretend to be more absorbed in the game on their iPhones, pretending to be unaware of their obligation to offer their chair to those in need. Today’s youth are so wrapped in their own self-interests that they are disrespectful and do not willingly help those in need.
【译文】此外，我认为这一代人还没有学会尊重他人。他们被困在自己的数字世界里，没有意识到他们对长辈的不尊重，当他们无视父母和祖父母在手机上发短信和聊天的时候。也许这并不是唯一的原因，但我看到他们的行为和我们这代人在那个时代的行为有明显的不同。举个例子，当你坐公共汽车的时候，把座位让给一位年长的绅士或女士是很平常的事。现在，当我坐公共汽车的时候，我经常看到年轻人坐在专门为老年人预留的座位，当一个老人坐上公共汽车时，他们基本上拒绝离开座位。相反，他们假装自己更专注于iphone上的游戏，假装不知道自己有义务为有需要的人提供椅子。如今年轻人是如此地沉浸在他们自己的利益之中，以至于他们不尊重别人，也不愿意帮助那些有需要的人。

【解析】主题句在段落中充当着一个 ‘路标’（road map）的功能，它应该包含着段落要展开的一个核心思想。本文作者在段首明确自己的观点，认为我们这一代人还没有学会尊重他人。表达清楚，整个段落的核心内容很明了。从内容层面讲，一个好的主题句一般都会包含以下两个特征：
1. 包含论证的主题 (state the topic)
2. 提出个人对主题的明确观点，而不仅仅是陈述一个事实 (include clear personal ideas; do not just state the fact)

Admittedly, it is not entirely correct to say that all young people are selfish and do not help others. The number of volunteer organizations in schools and community suggests that there are many youths who understand the importance of helping our fellow man. I am certain there are many students who full-heartedly believe in volunteerism and charity, but I think that in general these school volunteer programs serve a selfish end. Volunteering has more or less become a requirement for college applications. A student who does not have any volunteer service experience is a less competitive applicant than one who does have volunteer service experience. Although there may be a few students who genuinely believe in the social responsibility of charity, many students participate simply to forward their own self-interests.
【译文】诚然，说所有的年轻人都是自私的，不帮助别人是不完全正确的。在学校和社区里，志愿组织的数量表明，有许多年轻人明白帮助我们的同胞的重要性。我敢肯定，有许多学生完全相信志愿精神和慈善，但我认为，总的来说，这些学校的志愿者项目还是出于自私的目的。志愿活动或多或少成为了大学申请的必要条件。一个没有任何志愿服务经验的学生，比一个有志愿服务经验的学生更缺乏竞争力。尽管可能有一些学生真正相信慈善的社会责任，但许多学生只是简单地参与到他们自己的自我利益中去。
【解析】托福考试官方指南(Official Guide)关于托福独立写作5分标准里面的第二条是“（文章）结构/逻辑好、内容拓展好，运用了十分合适的解释、例证、以及或者细节”，这要求考生在段落内容拓展的时候要使用足够的信息点（information）例如原因、例子和细节来支撑自己所写该段的论点。作者每次提出一个分论点，都会举一个具体示例去论证自己的观点，使得内容丰满殷实。

Today’s youth, who have been raised in a period of affluence and privilege and do not understand what it means to have nothing, are self-centered, disrespectful, and less likely to help other than previous generations.
【译文】今天的年轻人，和以前相比，他们在富裕和特权的时期长大，不明白什么是一无所有，以自我为中心，不懂尊重，不太可能帮助别人。
【解析】面对托福独立写作，好的开头固然重要，但是一个好的结尾，也能够我们的作文增加分数。一个好的结尾段应该满足如下几个功能：1. 重申文章观点;2. 总结主体段落的论点;3. 升华主题。

以上是今日为大家带来的独立写作范文：Young people today are more likely to help others than young people in the past.更多高分独立范文解析，敬请关注小站托福频道。