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免费托福写作批改:计划和组织能力很重要?

小站教育为各位考试提供免费在线批改服务,今天免费托福写作批改板块给各位考生带来的批改是:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? As modern life becomes more complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

免费托福写作批改前——学生原文:

Recently, there has been a controversial topic debated by lots of people about whether younger generation should possess the organizational ability. While many teenagers advocate that they prefer to live in a casual lifestyle without planing since it’s more convenient and comfortable. I personally believe that the ability to plan and organize is of vital importance for a teenager’s success.

First and foremost, the organizational skill can significantly facilitate young people’s academic performance. With the rapid and prosperous development of science and technology, teenagers have to deal with much more subjects than our parents several decades ago in limited time. In order to pay sufficient attention to each subject, students have to take advantage of their organizational skill and utilize their time effectively. Otherwise, neither of their subjects can be concentrated and they will eventually get tired of mountainous of tasks and end up in terrible performances. Worse, if students can not handle all of their subjects, they may lose their confidence in study and thus lose their opportunity to get further education.

Another reason is that the ability to make plans is essentially helpful to young people’s career path. Whether in developing or developed countries, we have witnessed a booming economy, a flourishing civilization, and of course, more challenge work task. Without a doubt, our organizational ability equip us with easy access to job promotion since only the person who possesses the ability to plan and organize can perfectly finish his work task and thus appreciated by the boss. On the contrary, the person who works in a casual way will be trapped in hundreds of work and it is evident that none of his work can be finished on time. As a result, he will be forced to work in the bottom no matter how many years he has served the company.

Furthermore, the ability to organize plays a crucial role in young people’s personal finance. Nowadays, a majority of young people are facing the problem of overspending every month since they are facing increasingly plentiful consumption options. Without rational organizing their money, they will suffer from poverty at the end of each month and thus be forced to borrow money from their schoolmate. Therefore, they have to pay their debt and it’s obvious that they have to plunge into debt again. If this happens, they will find it hard to bend on studying for they have to concern their financial problem all day.

In a nutshell, the ability to plan and organization serve as an important catalyst for younger generation’s excellent academic performance, career promotion and comfortable live. So I strongly agree to the statement that the organizational ability is essential to young people.

免费托福写作批改后:

Recently, there has been a controversial topic debated by lots of people about whether younger generation should possess the organizational ability. While many teenagers advocate that they prefer to live in a casual lifestyle without planing【改为: planning】since it’s more convenient and comfortable. I personally believe that the ability to plan and organize is of vital importance for a teenager’s success【观点表述较为明确,不错哦!继续保持】.

First and foremost, the organizational skill can significantly facilitate young people’s academic performance【这是个很不错的论点,能较好的论证自己的观点】.With the rapid and prosperous development of science and technology, teenagers have to deal with much more subjects than our parents several decades ago in limited time. In order to pay sufficient attention to each subject, students have to take advantage of their organizational skill【改为skills】and utilize their time effectively. Otherwise, neither of their subjects can be concentrated and they will eventually get tired of mountainous of tasks and end up in terrible performances. Worse, if students can not handle all of their subjects, they may lose their confidence in study and thus lose their opportunity to get further education.【这一段的论证还是较为充分的,语言也流畅】

Another reason is that the ability to make plans is essentially helpful to young people’s career path【这是个长远的角度,加油~~】. Whether in developing or developed countries, we have witnessed a booming economy, a flourishing civilization, and of course, more challenge work task【改为: tasks】.Without a【删除】doubt, our organizational ability equip us with easy access to job promotion since only the person who possesses the ability to plan and organize can perfectly finish his work task【跟work重复,删除】and thus appreciated by the boss. On the contrary, the person who works in a casual way will be trapped in hundreds of work and it is evident that none of his work can be finished on time. As a result, he will be forced to work in the bottom no matter how many years he has served the company.

Furthermore, the ability to organize plays a crucial role in young people’s personal finance【这句话有点倾向于观点性表述~不能作文很有说服力的reasoning哦~要写成既能有力论证观点又能概括本段中心大意的句子】.Nowadays, a majority of young people are facing the problem of overspending every month since they are facing increasingly plentiful consumption options. Without rational【改为rationally】organizing their money, they will suffer from poverty at the end of each month and thus be forced to borrow money from their schoolmate[+s].Therefore, they have to pay their debt and it’s obvious that they have to plunge into debt again. If this happens, they will find it hard to bend on studying for they have to concern their financial problem all day.

In a nutshell, the ability to plan and organization serve as an important catalyst for younger generation’s excellent academic performance, career promotion and comfortable live. So I strongly agree to the statement that the organizational ability is essential to young people.

小站教育老师批改点评:

整体观点较为明确,论证也较为充分,是一篇不错的作文。语言也较为流畅,继续保持提升哦。

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