托福写作批改：现代农业方法与环境

The twisted value and the blind pursuit to the considerable economic leap, fortune and lust drive people and government cost everything to get the material value and the economic boom. Even the modern agriculture methods prey on the environmental protection.  Admittedly, in this ever-accelerating development of the society and civilization, the supply of food and nutrition are kind of crucial. But it is hard to overstate the significance of the environmental protection. Furthermore, the core values which any society depends to thrive will run contrary to the promotion of national strength when that pay dearly environmental price.

First of all, accelerating evidences prove that anything wreaks havoc on the environment will handicap the leap of living standards, the boom of economy and stability of society. We must learn from our experiences. Twenty years ago, our economy depends on the exploiting resources and preying on environment. The government, however, spend more than ten percent of the revenue to heal the wound of the nature at present, and the people suffer from polluted air, the poisonous water and the metal-concentrated food. Furthermore, various diseases make people , especially who are out of the security system, use the deposit of whole family or even three generation to save the their lives. Therefore, if we keep thirsting for the short-term interest, we may keep poisoning the nature food and then pay for our sin to complete the vicious cycle. Or we can change the methods to mitigate the ecological effects and to protect the environment , in order to get the long-term interest. Apparently, the second choice is much better.

Moreover, stressing great emphasis on the  modern methods to the growing population is such narrow eyesight and that ignores the consequence of supplying of the food.  When the food is supplied substantially, the cost of living and reproduction will decrease, which stimulates the parents to have more children until the cost of the proliferation reaches to another balance. But that balance gives nature more pressure and the specie more threats from the ecosystem. Moreover, the low price of the food provides more systematic risks of agriculture field and discourages farmers. Therefore, providing food for the growing population is not quite a smart behavior for the government with a wide horizon. Apparently, any government should be blamed or even attacked if it implements the birth-control policy. However, if the population is controlled the economic factors, no one will complain about that.

To sum up, if we want to thrive and improve our comprehensive national strength, we cannot do anything detrimental to the environment. And sometimes, the relative high price of the food and the moderate supply of food can guarantee the country run much better.

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小站教育老师批改后：

The twisted value and the blind pursuit to the considerable economic leap, fortune and lust drive people and government cost everything to get the material value and the economic boom. Even the modern agriculture methods prey on the environmental protection.  Admittedly, in this ever-accelerating development of the society and civilization【没有in the development这样说】, the supply of food and nutrition are【supply是单数】 kind of crucial. But it is hard to overstate the significance of the environmental protection. Furthermore, the core values which any society depends to thrive will run contrary to the promotion of national strength when that pay dearly environmental price.【开篇的一些好的句子和表达还是挺吸引眼球的】

First of all, accelerating evidences prove that anything wreaks havoc on the environment will handicap the leap of living standards, the boom of economy and stability of society. We must learn from our experiences. Twenty years ago, our economy depends【用过去时】 on the exploiting resources and preying on environment. The government, however, spend more than ten percent of the revenue to heal the wound of the nature at present, and the people suffer from polluted air, the poisonous water and the metal-concentrated food. Furthermore, various diseases make people , especially who are out of the security system, use the deposit of whole family or even three generation to save the their lives. 【以二十年为例用过去时】Therefore, if we keep thirsting for the short-term interest, we may keep poisoning the nature food and then pay for our sin to complete the vicious cycle. Or we can change the methods to mitigate the ecological effects and to protect the environment , in order to get the long-term interest. Apparently, the second choice is much better.

Moreover, stressing great emphasis on the  modern methods to the growing population is such narrow eyesight and that ignores the consequence of supplying of the food.  When the food is supplied substantially, the cost of living and reproduction will decrease, which stimulates the parents to have more children until the cost of the proliferation reaches to another balance. But that balance gives nature more pressure and the specie more threats from the ecosystem. Moreover, the low price of the food provides more systematic risks of agriculture field and discourages farmers. Therefore, providing food for the growing population is not quite a smart behavior【not a quite smart behavior】 for the government with a wide horizon. Apparently, any government should be blamed or even attacked if it implements the birth-control policy. However, if the population is controlled the economic factors, no one will complain about that.【题目比较的是提供食物与环保的重要性】

To sum up, if we want to thrive and improve our comprehensive national strength, we cannot do anything detrimental to the environment. And sometimes, the relative high price of the food and the moderate supply of food can guarantee the country run much better.

【平时的积累还是比较丰富的，语言运用比较熟练，但是要注意切合题意】

 Level: GOOD (4.0–5.0)

 ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INTERGRATED TASK

 >> Continue to improve your ability to relate and convey information from two or more sources. For example, practice analyzing reading passages in English.

 >> Read two articles or chapters on the same topic or issue, write a summary of each, and then explain the ways they are similar and the ways they are different.

 >> Practice combining listening and reading by searching for readings related to talks and lectures with teacher or a friend.

 ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INDEPENDENT TASK

 >> Continue to improve your ability to express opinions by studying the ways that published writers express their opinions.

 >> Read articles and essays written by professional writers that express opinions about an issue (for example, a social, environmental or educational issue).

 >> Identify the writer’s opinion or opinions.

 >> Notice how the writer addresses possible objections to the opinions, if the writer discusses these.

 >>尽量多阅读范文，模仿好的文章中作者阐述论证观点的方式。

 >>多阅读不同类型话题的文章，积累专业作家针对不同话题的观点内容。

 >>可以多引用别人的观点内容。

 >>阅读范文过程中，注意作者如何反向论证观点。