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TPO32综合写作批改

  原文:

  In thelistening, the professor argues that the statements which in the readingpassage are have problems, after that, she gives several reasons to demonstrateher opinion.

  First, she mentions that the view in the paragraph seems possible but it's highly unlikelybecause the orca whales often live near the surface of the water. However, thesubmarines typically under the deep ocean so that people is unable to hear thesounds from the surface water. Also the Russian sonar will detect the orcawhales if they are nearby the submarines.

  Second, the reading passage's statement shows that the sounds might cause by giant squid.The professor is against this statement by given the reason. She says giantsquid may be a great candidate but the periodic which they have detectedquacker sound has some problems. Russian submarines found the first sound ofquacker was in the 1960s and reports it about 20 years. Nevertheless, thesounds were disappeared in the 1980s. If these sounds were made by the squid,they might impossible appears one decade and stop hearing them two decade.

  Third, the professor state that the quackers might cause by the other country's submarinewhich is in the reading passage is unstable. Those sounds move around andchange direction very quickly and submarines cannot move or change direction asfast as the sounds. What's more, all of submarines make engine noise but theydon't find any noise is relates to the quackers. And now, people don't have thehighly technology to build such a fast submarine and it has soundless engines.

  批改后:

  In the(添加空格)listening, the professor argues that the statements which in the reading(添加空格)passage are(去掉are)have problems, after that, she gives several reasons to demonstrate(添加空格)her opinion.

  First, she mentions that the view in the paragraph seems possible but it's highly unlikely(添加空格)because the orca whales often live near the surface of the water. However, the(添加空格)submarines(添加are)typically under the deep ocean so that people is unable to hear the(添加空格)sounds from the surface water. Also the Russian sonar will detect the orca(添加空格)whales if they are nearby the submarines.

  Second, the reading passage's statement shows that the sounds might cause by giant squid.(添加空格)The professor is against this statement by given [giving] the reason. She says giants(添加空格)quid may be a great candidate but the periodic which they have detected(添加空格)quacker sound has some problems. Russian submarines found the first sound of(添加空格)quacker was in the 1960s and reports (此处应用过去时态,reported)it about 20 years. Nevertheless, the[空格]sounds were disappeared in the 1980s. If these sounds were made by the squid, (添加空格)they might impossible appears (注意时态,应用appear)one decade and stop hearing them two decade(需要用复数,decades).

  Third, the professor state(第三人称,应用states)that the quackers might cause(be caused 被动语态)by the other country's submarine(添加空格)which is in the reading passage is unstable. Those sounds move around and(添加空格)change direction very quickly and submarines cannot move or change direction as(添加空格)fast as the sounds. What's more, all of submarines make engine noise but they(添加空格)don't find any noise is relates (此处应用related)to the quackers. And now, people don't have the(添加空格)highly technology to build such a fast submarine and it has soundless engines.

  预估分数:3.5分

  这篇文章,通篇读下来语法有较多问题,一定要注意时态,人称等。多处未使用空格。另外,在综合写作中要求学生要全面的把握阅读和听力中的观点,抓住对比,对立观点,尽可能多的充实细节语句。然后根据自己的思路来撰写文章。自己撰写的文章要忠实于原文。这篇文章基本掌握了双方的观点,这点做得较好。

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