批改范文——什么样的工作更适合你？

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to take a secure job with a low pay than to

take a job with a high pay but is easy to lose.

In this day and age, people seem to be eager to seek a job to support themselves in response to [the] increasing unemployment rate. It's not uncommon that they may choose to compromise [用词不错] with tough situation, settling down in a stable position with a low pay such as a shop assisstant [拼写错误] rather than a highly paid but more risky one. Personally, I really don't see anything wrong with these people who choose to be pracical. [拼写错误]
  
To start with, when it comes to seeking jobs, security should be put in the first place. [主题写的很精练，表达也很清晰]As individuals, financial independent is one of fundamental aims in our lives. People who choose to take a secure job with low salary can at least meet his daily need regularly instead of fearing what if he gets fired tomorrow. On the contrary, a man who earns top salaries but loses it frequently will suffer a life filled with unpredictable troubles. Their credit is also less trustworth [trustworthy] than those who are financially stable because they are more likely to sink in debt. [论据展开很简洁，说服力也较强，不错]
   
Further, to certain extent, taking a risky but highly paid job may be more harmful for one's health than a more secure one due to intensive working pace and severe pressure. As several scientific research reveals, people undertaking more competitive tasks tend to suffer diseases result [-ing] from heavy pressure. In contrast, those who are willing to be regularly paid are more likely to maintain their health. [这个观点很好]
  
Last but not least, a stable position with a lower pay can't prevent a really ambitious man from making his own fortune. For instance, a fresh man at his 20s may lack experience and luck, which forces him to take a [改为an] inferior job. Nevertheless, it is still hopeful for him to grasp other necessary skills in spare time and obtain working experience. Once new oppportunities [拼写错误] show up, he surely would make his way to it and achieve his goal. In fact, holding on to one's dream even if in case of adversity plays a critical role in one's success. what [句首大写] really counts is to bear in mind that opportunites prefer to [to去掉] those who are preparing for them.
 
In summary, seeking jobs needs comprehensive consideration, which includes  thinking about security first, issue of working pressure and long-term occupational planning. Sometimes it is still a wise choice to take a secure position with lower payment as long as the decision is made via practical consideration. 
 
 
预估分数：4.5
 
引题很有条理，论据展开简洁有力，很好。
表达方面，很清楚，有不少地方的表达都挺出彩，继续保持。
几乎没有语法错误，基本功很扎实，保持这个状态哈。

Independent Task	Level：Good
4.5	27

 
Level: GOOD (3.7–5.0)
ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INTERGRATED TASK
>> Continue to improve your ability to relate and convey information from two or more sources. For example, practice analyzing reading passages in English.
>> Read two articles or chapters on the same topic or issue, write a summary of each, and then explain the ways they are similar and the ways they are different.
>> Practice combining listening and reading by searching for readings related to talks and lectures with teacher or a friend.
ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INDEPENDENT TASK
>> Continue to improve your ability to express opinions by studying the ways that published writers express their opinions.
>> Read articles and essays written by professional writers that express opinions about an issue (for example, a social, environmental or educational issue).
>> Identify the writer’s opinion or opinions.
>> Notice how the writer addresses possible objections to the opinions, if the writer discusses these.
>>尽量多阅读范文，模仿好的文章中作者阐述论证观点的方式。
>>多阅读不同类型话题的文章，积累专业作家针对不同话题的观点内容。
>>可以多引用别人的观点内容。
>>阅读范文过程中，注意作者如何反向论证观点。